Real Life Facebook Photo Captions

Earlier this week a friend of mine posted a link to this blog. The blog features these idealized, picture-perfect stock photos of families that they edit to include true-to-life captions. It’s hilarious.

At the same time, though, it was a bit of an eye-opener for me. I mean, how many times do I post a photo on Facebook or Instagram that is “picture-perfect”, only to have the underlying story be so much more “realistic”? If the photo includes my children, there is almost certainly an unpleasant reality to the happy photos I share with the world. For instance, if I were telling the truth about these photos, this is what the captions would actually read:

“My mom is a drill sergeant. She woke me up at 6 AM to make me fold the mountain of clothes that I threw around my room last night when I was supposed to be in bed sleeping. Now I’m exhausted and I can’t even stay awake through the thrilling experience that is shopping at Costco.” 

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“My parents tried to do something really nice for my birthday by taking me to watch my heroes, the toys from Toy Story, skating at Disney on Ice. I repaid them for their generosity by having a meltdown at the souvenir stand when they said I couldn’t have all of the ridiculously overpriced toys they were selling at the show. I was throwing such a royal fit that I got carried out of the arena like I was Prince Ali.”IMG_0002“The only reason we’re sitting still right now is because we are licking jam off our fingers. We spent the rest of this playdate stealing toys from our guests and screaming any time it was suggested that we might share.”photo
“Our new bunkbeds are great. We like trying to fly off of them. And the rails taste really good. It’s also quite entertaining watching mom try to change sheets on the top bunk after I pee on them.”IMG_0005 “I begged mom to buy me a new ball and, since she wanted to have a pleasant day, she broke under pressure and actually gave me what I wanted. It only took about 5 minutes for my little brother to throw the ball off the pier into the ocean. Mom hasn’t bought me another ball since then.”IMG_0006 “Mom told me she’d give me a lollipop if I kissed my brother.”IMG_0007 “Mom made the mistake of giving me “choices” on school picture day. She offered me three shirts to choose from, and I chose all three. When she tried to make me choose just one, I tore off all my clothes and refused to get dressed until I could choose my own outfit. I wore all three shirts for school picture day. #ftw”

IMG_9999So you see, life isn’t picture-perfect–especially life with kids. Every day is filled with its own challenges and meltdowns and refusals and fits. But thankfully, life is also filled with beautiful moments. Either way, get your cameras ready. We’re making memories here, folks–even if they are a bit shy of reality.

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20 Things Little Boys Do

boynoisewithdirtblueSo, I grew up in a family of all girls (my dad is a saint). My childhood was all pink and ballet-y and sweet. Nothing could have prepared me, then, for my current situation. The tables have turned, and now I find myself the mother of boys (thank goodness at least the dog is on my team).

Before my sons were born, I was either naive or ignorant or blind. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I now stand corrected. You see, little boys are not just a variance on little girls–they are a totally different creature. My boys do things every day that literally stop me in my tracks and say, “Huh….?”.

To illustrate my point, here is a sampling of 20 things little boys do:

1. Think they can fly–It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…DAVID, GET OFF THAT ROOF RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!!

2. Throw All The Stuff–balls, rocks, toys, their shoes, feces (sorry, but if that one got to you, you may want to stop reading this post right now).

3. Despise shoes. And pants.–A home with little boys is basically a tiny nudist colony.

4. Urinate in inappropriate places–Forget “missing the toilet” (which they will do without fail every time they pee, by the way). Just wait until you see the very unusual and, sometimes, shocking, public places they choose to drop their pants. I have photographic evidence of the horrendous places my son has chosen to relieve himself. I would share the photos here, but I’m saving them for blackmail when he’s a teenager.

5. Make it their personal mission to destroy All The Stuff–Have something you like? Yeah? Really? Well, if you have a little boy, you might as well kiss it goodbye right now. It will just make the future destruction more bearable.

6. Shred to pieces every pair of pants they own–Since they’re never actually wearing pants, I don’t know how it’s possible for them to wear holes and tears into every pair they own.

7. Lick All The Stuff–I mostly just try to ignore it because my stomach just can’t handle the truth.

8. Be fascinated with their own male anatomy–It starts young, folks.

9. Relate to their favorite super hero on a deeply personal level–They will literally think they are Superman/Batman/Spider Man/The Hulk/Wolverine/Captain America/Luke Skywalker/Buzz Lightyear.

10. Turn All The Stuff into guns/lasers/shooters/swords/canons/projectile-spewing objects–This is not taught, it is ingrained in their psyche.

11. Produce a disproportionate level of noise for the size of their body–My ears hurt too much to comment on this one.

12. Eat All The Stuff–SERIOUSLY.

13. Sleep in unusual places–Beds are for wusses.

14. Put All The Stuff in their pockets–I could start a small (but growing) art gallery with the collection I have removed from pockets on laundry day. Perhaps I’ll donate our gallery to the Guggenheim some day.

15. Fall down randomly like they’re fainting goats or something–Running, running, running, DOWN.

16. Think you are ACTUALLY CUTTING OFF THEIR FINGERS every time you trim their fingernails. Every. Single. Time.

17. Think their own bodily functions are hilarious–Nothing in God’s green earth can produce as much joy in a boy’s heart as the sound of a burp or a fart.

18. Spend hours enthralled by nothing but a pile of sticks and rocks–Oooh! Can we break them? Can we throw them? Can we eat them? Can we stuff them all in our pockets?

19. Injure themselves incessantly–see #1 and #15. And make sure you know the fastest route to the E.R. from your home, your son’s school, and your son’s favorite parks.

20. Think their mommy is a princess/The Queen/their wife–You can now disregard #’s 1-19, because this is the truth. If you are the mother of a little boy he will absolutely adore you. He will think you are royalty. He will guard and protect you as if his own little life depended on it. His cuddles will melt your heart anew every single day, and you will know that you are the luckiest person in the world. The luckiest, happiest, most exhausted person in the world–because you are the mother of a little boy.

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How To Shop Childrens’ Consignment Sales. Like A Boss.

JBF1Two weeks ago something rare happened: it rained in California. Seeing as we are in the middle of Autumn the presence of precipitation should come as no surprise, yet we were all caught off-guard. The toys we’d left strewn about the yard overnight got drenched. The laundry I had on the line got re-washed by nature. And when I went to get David ready for school in the morning, I came to an unfortunate realization: he didn’t have a single pair of shoes that fit him.

After spending all summer barefoot or in sandals, we hadn’t donned a pair of shoes in months. And in those months, my boy’s feet had grown gargantuan. Just like the rest of him. So, then I came to the even more disheartening realization: it was time to buy the boy a new (larger) wardrobe–which would undoubtedly come with a massive price tag to match.

Fact: kids cost money. Oodles and oodles of money, all the time. Any time I can save a bit of that money, I’m all for it. And that, my friends, is why God created children’s consignment sales.

If you’ve never been to a children’s consignment sale, just imagine a massive garage sale taking place inside of a Costco warehouse–full of all the stuff you keep having to buy for your very expensive offpring. Children’s consignment sales are a collection of consignors (aka “moms”) who are selling merchandise (aka the stuff their kids don’t use/have outgrown/just don’t want any more). They sell everything from toys and books to clothes and shoes to baby gear and maternity wear. In short, consignment sales are da bomb.

With two growing boys who DON’T EVEN HAVE SHOES THAT FIT THEM, I have become a bit of a consignment sale shopping expert. You might call me a professional shopper-saver, if you were so inclined. And now, dear friends, I will share my wisdom with you:

How To Shop Consignment Sales. Like A Boss.

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Research the sales
Consignment sales tend to happen seasonally, so research your local area for a schedule of sales that will be coming up soon (a quick looky-loo on Google should pull up several results). There are several large consignment sale organizations that franchise around the country, like Just Between Friends and Rhea Lana’s and locally, like Outrageous Outgrowns (California Bay Area) and Jack and Jill (my favorite in the Seattle area). Sign up for the email list on consignment sale websites so you’ll be notified of sale dates and special discounts.

Always visit the sale’s website before you go to the sale so you have accurate information on the sale dates and location. Sometimes you can also print off coupons from the sale’s website for free or discounted parking or admission.

Selling vs. shopping
If you have baby and/or kid stuff that you want to sell, sign up to be a consignor. As a consignor you’ll make money off every item you sell and get special privileges like shopping the sale before the public. If you don’t have anything to sell you can always attend the event as a shopper.

Timing your visit
Sales typically happen over a weekend and last 2-4 days. If you have specific items you want to buy, or if you are particular about the types and quality of the products you buy, you’ll want to go on the first day of the sale while the inventory is fresh. If you want to save even more money, visit on the last day of the sale when the remaining items are typically sold at half-off. Or, if you’re really serious about this whole consignment sale thing, you could always visit twice: once on the first day of the sale and again on the last day of the sale to pick up some bargains.

Try to arrive at the sale early in the day. Like when they open. Or, better yet, before they open. Think of it practice for Black Friday. These things get packed, and fast. The earlier you can get in and out, the better off you’ll be. Otherwise, aim for lunch or dinner time so you can take advantage of the lull when most shoppers go home to eat.

Set your expectations
This is not Nordstrom’s–heck, this is not even Nordstrom Rack. You are buying used kids stuff. And if you have kids, you know what kids do to their stuff. They beat up their toys, they spill juice on their shirts, they draw with Sharpie’s on their furniture. Consignment sales are full of bargains–if you’re willing to compromise. The nicer and newer the condition of the item, the more expensive it will be. If you’re willing to put up with a few bent pages in a book or a dress that has obviously been off the rack since last season, then you’ll be grand. If you’re expecting perfection, sales may not be for you (but please give me your contact info so we can get in touch when you’re ready to offload your kids’ gear…).

To kid or not to kid
Consignment sales are for kids, but they are not FOR kids. Yes, you buy kid stuff at the sale. No, you should not bring your kid to the sale. Why? Because it’s a Costco warehouse-sized kids garage sale. There are toys and books and bouncy things and all sorts of other temptations everywhere you look. Your children will whine about literally every item in the sale. All 20,000 items. And you will get so fed up that you will just throw up your hands and say WHATEVER and get in line so you can check out and get the heck out of there. And then you will realize, as you are trying to find the end of the line that snakes around the Costco-sized-kids-garage-sale that there is not back of the line. The back of the line is in Mexico. Or Canada. Or whatever country is furthest away from where you are right now. And then you will finally get to the front of the line and you will wonder was it all worth it. (I brought my kids with me to a sale last week)

Have a shopping game plan
If there is something special that you know you want to get, make a beeline for that section as soon as you arrive. Big-ticket items like cribs, strollers and rockers can go faster than a toddler’s temper. Seasonal items like Halloween costumes, outdoor gear, and fancy Easter clothes also get picked over quickly, so grab yours before they’re gone.

Plan for the future
Since sales typically only happen a few times a year, think ahead to what you might need in the months between now and the next sale. Will your child be moving up a size soon? Will the seasons change so you’ll need more seasonal clothing? Will your baby become a crawler/walker/toddler and require different types of toys or gear? Do you have birthdays or Christmas coming up that you want to buy gifts for? Take advantage of the bargains now so you won’t have to break the bank in a month or two.

Bring cash
Some sales create special (shorter) check-out lines for people who are paying with cash. With the average consignment sale check-out line lasting about an hour, bringing cash has saved me countless hours of line-waiting.

Bring the right gear
Bring these things with you to the sale. Just because I said so.
-wagon, empty stroller or shopping trolley (like the ones you see little old ladies bring on the bus) so you have somewhere to put all the cool stuff you find at the sale
-baby carrier–Sometimes you just have to bring the baby with you. With a baby in tow, it will usually be easier to put your baby in a carrier and have your hands and (now empty) stroller available for shopping.
-shopping bags–most sales do not offer you a way to cart your stuff home. Bring your own.
-snacks and water–this shopping is serious business (especially if you find yourself stuck at the end of a 2-hour check-out line)
-cash (see above)
-empty back seat and/or car trunk–you may go to the sale for one thing, but we all know how that’s going to end…

 Happy shopping, and happy saving!

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Seattle Mom vs. Silicon Valley Mom

Photo credit: SeattleTimes.com

Photo credit: SeattleTimes.com

In my nearly-four years of motherhood I have had the unique privilege of “momming” in several cities around the world. And you know what I’ve noticed? Moms, and how they do the whole Mom-Thing, are as distinct as the cities they inhabit. Now I am no expert in sociology, but I do like to secretly judge people based on my biased observations of their behavior. Moms happen to make the perfect target for my not-so-scientific evaluations.

This week I went to my first official Silicon Valley playgroup. It was terrifying and fascinating. The people, the conversations, the baby gear–it was all so new and compelling. But mostly, it was different. So very different from our last gig in Ireland, and so very different from my intro-to-motherhood years in Seattle (in fact, I am finding more differences between Silicon Valley and Seattle than I did between Seattle and Ireland). Here’s the breakdown:

Seattle Mom’s family consists of…her husband (an engineer at Boeing), three kids, and the family dog.
Silicon Valley Mom’s family consists of…her husband (an entrepreneur/tech mogul), two children (and she wouldn’t even DREAM of having more), and her childrens’ au pair who lives in the backyard guesthouse.

Seattle Mom is originally from…somewhere in the greater Puget Sound area. Maybe Sequim or Puyallup.
Silicon Valley Mom is originally from…Not-Silicon-Valley, most likely Not-California, and quite likely Not-America. She can’t fathom how you would pronounce “Sequim” or “Puyallup”.

Seattle Mom spends her day…going to Baby Bootcamp in the morning followed by a park play date. While her baby naps in the afternoon she prepares dinner, using mostly fresh and local ingredients.
Silicon Valley Mom spends her day…managing a tech startup. She uses an app on her iPhone to order food from The French Laundry or Coi so she can pick up dinner on her way home.

Seattle Mom lives in…a split-level home in the suburbs with a nice big yard for their organic vegetable garden.
Silicon Valley Mom lives in…a $1 Million rambler built in the 1950’s (but she’s working with an architect now on design plans to tear down the rambler and rebuild a $2.6 Million “cottage” on the property).

Seattle Mom wears…a Gore Tex jacket over her North Face puffy vest, jeans, and a pair of Chucks or rain boots.
Silicon Valley Mom wears…a fully coordinated Lululemon outfit (from this season), wedge sandals (so you can see her perfectly pedicured toesies), and a Coach purse.

Seattle Mom drives…a minivan (she just traded in her Subaru Outback).
Silicon Valley Mom drives…a Tesla Model S (she just traded in her BMW X6 so she could get the coveted “Clean Air Decal” and use the carpool lane when she’s solo-driving to her Friday morning spin class at Equinox).

Seattle Mom commutes…on I-5. There is no other option.
Silicon Vally Mom commutes…on “The Five”. Or 101. Or 280. Or 880. Or 85. Or 87. Or 17. Or CalTrain. Or BART.

Seattle Mom washes her car…in the rain. Why would you ever wash a car?
Silicon Valley Mom washes her car…at any of the thousands of “hand touch” car washes that line every street everywhere. Her car is washed and detailed at least once a week.

Seattle Mom spends her weekends…taking family bike rides along the Burke-Gilman, shopping at the Ballard Farmer’s Market, and walking her dog at Greenlake.
Silicon Valley Mom spends her weekends…shuttling her children between lacrosse games, karate belt tests, ballet recitals, Chinese school, engineering daycamp, violin lessons and water polo practice.

Seattle Mom’s preschool choice for her children…was based upon which school would nurture her child’s individuality. It’s affordable and there’s a good community of parents at the school.
Silicon Valley Mom’s preschool choice for her children…was already applied for before she left the maternity wing of Stanford Hospital. The preschool is nationally ranked for it’s strong emphasis on the Arts and college prep. There is daily instruction in foreign language and advanced circuit design. The Annual tuition is equivalent to the cost of a new home in Seattle.

Seattle Mom’s grass…is mowed by her, or her husband (if she’s lucky) or the neighbor boy (if she’s really lucky), or by nobody at all (during the months of October-April when the grass doesn’t grow because it’s just too dang cold outside).
Silicon Valley Mom’s grass…is mowed by The Gardener who comes every Tuesday morning like clockwork.

Seattle Mom’s favorite grocery store…Whole Foods and Metropolitan Market (but she actually does most of her shopping in the bulk section at WinCo).
Silicon Valley Mom’s favorite grocery store…Nob Hill Foods and Google Shopping Express.

In regard to weather, Seattle Mom dreams of…the sun. That is all.
In regard to weather, Silicon Valley Mom dreams of…just a touch of rain to get rid of this drought. As long as the rain doesn’t stick around long enough to force her under an umbrella.

Seattle Mom loves…her kids more than anything else in the world.
Silicon Valley Mom loves…her kids more than anything else in the world.

So, differences aside, maybe that’s all that really matters anyway. No matter where we’re from or where we find ourselves, this Mom Thing all boils down to one thing: loving our kids. Rain or shine, here or there, just loving those kids. And that will never change–even if you do decide to trade out your rain boots for some flip flops.

 

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New Beginnings

To say that the last few weeks have been busy would be a drastic understatement. Busy doesn’t even start to cover it. Since we left Ireland two months ago, almost every aspect of our lives has been uprooted and altered; we are truly starting over. New jobs, new surroundings, new churches, new cars, new doctors, new dentists, new schools, new activities, new friends. This has been a season of ceaseless “new beginnings”. It’s wonderful and thrilling. It’s confusing and exhausting. It’s a lot to take in.

For starters, the actual moving is overwhelming. The packing and transporting and sorting and unpacking of people and things. So. Many. Things. Some of the Things I don’t even remember because they’ve been packed away since our last move…or the move before that…or any of the eight moves we’ve made in the last nine years. So many Things, in fact, that it’s taken three weeks and four different moving crews to get all of the Things to the same place (by the way, I owe my undying love to these moving crews who lifted and heaved and pulled the Things while I sat  in my kitchen ticking boxes off a list.)

IMG_9434 And now that all of the Things are off the truck and reunited together, every room of our house looks like this. It’s like Bed, Bath & Beyond and Toys ‘R Us and Barnes & Noble and UHaul got together, called all their friends, and decided to infest every square inch of the house.  They’re snuggled up together in closets and under windowsills and in the middle of our walkways. The boxes have taken over.IMG_9495

So, the other day, it kind of all hit me. I was scrubbing poop (not my own) out of the shower for not-the-first-time-this-week and I lost it. I yelled at Jon to PLEASE JUST PUT THOSE KIDS TO BED as I stumbled through the towers of boxes toward the kitchen where I was hoping I could locate a box containing some sort of disinfectant for the unfortunate shower. I was tired. I was full of self-pity. I was so OVER IT.

And then I saw this photo sitting in the middle of our mantle, and it made me stop in my tracks:

IMG_9574“Hey, Jon. Where is this photo from?” I shouted down the hall (because there was no way I was going to weave my way back through THAT maze again).

“A box.” (duh)

“No, I mean where were we? When was this photo taken?”

“At that dance. You know, when we were in college.”

And then I actually really lost it.

Here I was–surrounded by moving boxes and feeling sorry for myself–looking at a photo of my 19-year old self dancing with that crazy-cute guy she had a crush on. I didn’t know it then, but I would marry that crazy-cute guy. And we’d start a new life together. And we’d have crazy-cute children together. And we’d travel the world together. This was photographic evidence of our first “new beginning” together.

And this is what I realized in that moment of unexpected brokenness: new is not easy. There is a lot of heartbreak and hard work and abandonment of comfort that comes with a new beginning. Whether it’s starting a new relationship or a new job or a new life in a new place, new is difficult. But in those hard times, there is another realization: we were created for new beginnings.

As I was staring at that photo on our mantle, I was reminded that, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

Christ is constantly, ceaselessly changing us, breaking us, growing us. Without new beginnings, we would quite literally be nothing. When you think about it, life is really just a series of new beginnings. New beginnings are not to be feared or loathed. No, new beginnings are a gift, even if they do come wrapped in trials.

So, with my new-found respect for my new beginning, I am pressing on. On with the unpacking, on with the scheduling, on with the organizing, on with the making of garage sale piles (Seriously. How do we have so many Things?)

On with this new life, because life really is good.

 

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A Day Living In Corporate Housing

This whole move has been full of new adventures and “firsts” for our family: our first international flight in business class (ammmmazing…), Jon’s first weeks at his new job, and our first taste of corporate housing.

Now, if you’re like I was a few short weeks ago, you have no idea what corporate housing even is. In short, corporate housing is home purgatory. It’s where newly-hired employees (at least, the ones with excellent relocation packages) go to wait out their time until all of their STUFF transports to the same place they are so they can actually live in their own house.

We lucked out and got placed in a pretty amazing apartment for our corporate housing stint. Most of the people living in our complex are just regular apartment-dwellers, but a few of the units are rented out to people like us. Before we arrived, our “relocation team” (how fancy is that?!) went in and stocked our apartment with furniture and dishes and hotel-esque artwork so it would be ready for us to move in, plop ourselves down, and carry on with life as soon as we deplaned in California.

Buckle your seat belts, friends, because I’m going to take you on a journey that many people never get to experience. Welcome to A Day Living In Corporate Housing:

6:45
 Wake up and make your bed. You feel obligated to make your bed properly every morning because it’s so much prettier than the mussed up pile of blankets you’re used to. There are pillow shams. There’s a decorative throw. There is even a duvet-less down comforter –and it’s still WHITE (well, it was white until your kids smeared Cheeto dust all over it).
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7:00
Sneak out of the apartment before the kids wake up so you can take the dog down three flights of stairs and outside for her morning relief. If you wait until the kids are up, this chore will take at least an hour.

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7:30

Walk into your closet to get dressed. Snarl your nose at the 3 dresses and 2 pairs of shorts that you’ve been wearing ALL SUMMER because your entire wardrobe consists of what you could carry on an airplane.IMG_8782 7:45
Start what is sure to be the first of many loads of laundry today. When your entire family is living out of suitcases, you have to wash the same things many times.IMG_87808:00
Take a breakfast and coffee break. Thank goodness the baristas are cute.

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Build with blocks. You’re getting really good at building blocks, mostly because this is the only toy that fit in your suitcase when you moved.IMG_8828

Take advantage of this quiet-ish moment to call on the house listings you found on Craigslist last night and preschools that you are researching for your 3 year old and banks that need your new address and relocation specialists that need to coordinate the packing and shipping of your worldly possessions that are spread across two continents.

10:00
Pool time! This is the best part about living in an apartment–daily access to FIVE swimming pools! Marvel at how your children are beginning to resemble actual fish.
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Catch a free class at the on-site yoga studio.

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12:00
Come home from your morning adventures. Dry off and get dressed. Throw a major tantrum. Real life still happens, even when you’re living in the corporate housing resort.IMG_8803 12:05
Ponder your options for lunch. Settle on some scrumptious options that were not available in your year living abroad (God bless America?!).IMG_882212:30
After lunch, take a walk around the apartment complex. This will take approximately the rest of the day because the apartment complex is actually the size of a small city. No joke.IMG_8808 1:00
Stop for awhile to watch people working out in one of the exercise facilities. Sometimes it’s more fun to spectate than participate.IMG_88071:30
Rest in the outdoor lounge areas and cozy up to the outdoor fireplace (even though it’s sunny and 75 degrees here. Every day. Yes, it’s OK to be jealous.).IMG_88112:00
Visit the “apartment community” playground. Blow some bubbles for good measure.

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3:00
Catch a free movie at the on-site community theater. Help yourself to popcorn, candy and drinks in the free concessions room.
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Return to your apartment to find your daily doorstop delivery. You now order everything online because you still can’t figure out how to move a carload of groceries from the underground parking garage up to your 3rd floor apartment with two small children in tow.
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5:15
Put all of those delivery boxes to good use: 3-2-1-BLASTOFF!!!IMG_9073

…and if the empty boxes fail to excite, flatten out the packing paper and create the world’s longest mural.
photo (19)5:30

Make dinner. Since you only have 2 pans and 1 large spoon, opt for a preparation-free dinner. Thankfully your relocation team stocked your fridge and freezer before you arrived with gourmet offerings like frozen lasagna and broccoli that steams in its own bag in the microwave.IMG_8790

5:40
Watch cartoons in the living room while Mom “cooks” dinner.IMG_87796:30
Go for a family walk on the trail near your apartment to work off that scrumptious dinner.IMG_88206:45
Stop in the park at the center of your apartment city and throw some balls for your dog. You never have to bring your own dog toys to the park because there are about a thousand rogue balls hiding in the bushes that line the park.IMG_8931 7:00
Go for a quick spin in Daddy’s sweet rental car. Pick up some ice cream for dessert.IMG_9156 7:30
End the day with a nighttime dip in the hot tub.
IMG_9196 8:00
Tuck in your friends and say goodnight. You’ll all sleep really well because you basically sleep in a cave (props to Dad for covering all of the bedroom windows with tinfoil to block out that strange light we aren’t used to…the sun.)

Goodnight, corporate housing!IMG_9296

Our new living arrangement has had its ups and downs, its challenges and its benefits–but, mostly, its been fun. And, like never before we are experiencing the truth in this statement: Home is where your heart is. Home is not a house, or even a place. No, home is where there is love.

And, no matter where life takes us, our family is always home.

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An Open Letter To Family Dogs (From A Family Dog)

About a year after we got married, Jon and I decided to embark on a new adventure together: dog-rearing. Bota was our first introduction to caring for another living being, and we kind of wanted to prove to ourselves that we could hack it with a dog before we tried it with a human.

For a good long while, Bota was the center of our nuclear family universe. Fast forward four years (and two children) later, and she has…well…succumbed to a new position in the family. To illustrate, this is how I found Bota when I entered the kitchen yesterday afternoon:

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The poor dog puts up with a lot. In fact, I think being the family dog must be one of the hardest jobs out there. So, in honor of Bota and all of the other hard-working family pets out there, I offer you a this letter. It is a letter from Bota to other dogs who might be considering the role of man’s (and childrens’) best friend. Enjoy. Or don’t. Just don’t put any more pool accessories the dog’s head.

Dearest comrades,
Congratulations! You have accepted the greatest calling of your life, that of a family dog. You are entering the ranks of the brave, the loyal, the always-faithful, the tough-skinned and the ever-patient. This is a role that comes with much honor, but with it comes much hard work. I want to encourage you in this journey but, to be fair, I feel I should also enlighten you about the road you are now facing.

You have already enjoyed your golden years. When you’re having a rough day, just remember how good you’ve had it up until now. You had one–maybe two–owners. You were their roommate, their confidante and their companion. You were treated not as an animal, but with the dignity and respect that is sometimes reserved for other humans. Actually, you were treated more like Hollywood royalty. With your frequent spa days and daily trips to the dog park, you often wondered how you got so lucky. Your “parents” bought you gifts on holidays and birthdays and for no reason at all. They planned puppy playdates for you in parks. They arranged doggy resort stays for you if they had to work late or leave town for the weekend. They would even let you ride in the front seat and buy you your own meal at the drive-thru.

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Life was good.

But now they have children–HUMAN children–and life will be different. The love and attention that used to be solely yours will now be shared with the human children. Do not be discouraged, though, because there will still be plenty of love to go around.

The human children will actually enjoy many of the same things you do! They like chasing after balls and will even try throwing balls for you sometimes (although most of them will end up in a bush or over a fence where you will never ever be able to find them again).

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The human children also enjoy exploring. They will be happy to tromp through a river with you and dig in the mud. They may even find a nice stick to throw for you (if they start hitting you with the stick, though, just run them over and pretend like you were playing a game).

IMG_6564The human children will create hilarious games for you to play together. My favorite is where they tell me there’s a squirrel in a tree–EVEN THOUGH THERE’S NOT!–just so I can run and jump and claw at the tree like I’m insane or something. It’s awesome.
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They will think it’s cute to do things like color you a poster for your birthday, even though you can’t read and don’t understand the point of birthdays.
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If you’re really lucky, your owners will feel bad that they’ve completely neglected you for the last year and will even bake you a cake for your birthday. They won’t let you eat it, though, because it’s made of chocolate (hypocrites). 
IMG_3518The human children will love you so much that they’ll even dress you up so you can look like them. Too bad they all look like homeless pirates.
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When the human children are away from you, they will miss you like crazy. In fact, they will insist on employing modern technology to get some face-to-face time with you (because you’re that awesome).IMG_7337

It’s tough work being the family dog, and at the end of the day you’ll probably be exhausted. It’s alright to take a moment for yourself.
Bota March 2011 25

Because, at the end of the day, your job is one of the most important ones out there. You play with and entertain and endure, and love your family. The daily walks and the gourmet dog meals may be long gone (although, kids are a great resource for extra treats at the dinner table), but you have something so much better. You have a family.

For better or worse.IMG_3266

With my enduring love,
Bota

 

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