The Season of I Can’t

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This page has been a bit silent lately. I’ve been meaning to write–I’ve been WANTING to write–but I just can’t. In fact, there are a lot of things I’ve been meaning to do and wanting to do lately–but I just can’t. I am in a season of “I Can’t” right now, and it’s frustrating and exhausting and lovely all at once.

I can’t because my hands are full. Literally. I have a 5-week old baby who loves to be held. Like, as long as she’s being held she is a silent piece of angel magic, but the moment you set her down she screams herself into a tyrannical sweaty ball of anger. So I hold her. I hold her when I’m cooking my boys breakfast. I hold her when I’m packing my husband’s lunch. I hold her when I’m reading stories to my children. I hold her when I’m walking the dog. I even hold her when I’m sleeping. I can’t, because I’m in a season of holding.

I can’t because I am busy. We have *attempted* to start school up again and that means there are stories to be read and projects to be made and questions to be answered. I have a husband who works so hard for his family, and he’s in a season of  working long hours. His busy means we’re all extra-busy. It’s important work, it is work that has to be done, and it is a lot. I can’t because I am busy.

I can’t because I need rest. Making a baby, birthing a baby, caring for a new baby is hard work. It is tiring. It means that instead of doing some of those things I want to be doing, I have to say no so I can chillax for 5 minutes. I can’t because I need rest.

So, even though I haven’t stopped by in awhile, know that I’m still here…enjoying my season of I Can’t. This season, like all others before it and the ones that are yet to come, will be a fleeting moment in the timeline of Me. Some day I will look back at this season and wish for it again–for the exhaustion and joy that comes with it. There are so many I Can’t’s right now, but there is one I CAN I will accomplish: I Can embrace this season.

Whatever season you find yourself in, my friend, embrace it. Hold on tight and enjoy the ride, because it will all be over before we know it!

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