Every mom I know inevitably ends up on The Mom Diet at some point in her motherhood career. You know, the diet that consists of eating your kids’ leftovers while standing at the kitchen sink. We’ve all been there, and there’s no shame in it. Just as going into public with spit-up and/or puke and/or poop on your clothing is a rite of passage for mothers, so too is The Mom Diet.
Let’s just call it like it is, and embrace this manic-depressing form of eating. I think we could make The Mom Diet a lot more fun if we just added the correct beverages as a compliment to the dining experience. Fine cheeses have wine pairings, and I don’t see why stale chicken nuggets shouldn’t garner the same respect. Here are a few of my suggested kid food and adult beverage pairings:
Cold Mac ‘N Cheese
This is your basic cheese and wine pairing. A crisp white wine like Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc will compliment the mild, tangy flavors of the chilled Mac ‘N Cheese. This pairing is best enjoyed with Mac ‘N Cheese straight out of the pan that is still sitting on your stove, and wine served in your toddler’s sippy cup.
Hot Dog Pieces
One of the first rules you’ll master when learning how to pair food with a beverage is that salt loves sweet! The salt in the hot dog will heighten the perception of sweetness in your beverage, so go for an ice wine or, if you’re feeling exotic, a margarita.
PB&J Sandwich Crusts
The residual nutty flavor of the peanut butter and the sweet tang of the jelly pair beautifully with the zing of a fresh bubbly. Try Prosecco or, if you’re looking for something a bit more special, go for Champagne. If your child eats PB&J for breakfast like mine do, you can even mix your Champagne with OJ for the perfect morning Mimosa.
Pulverized Pretzel Bits
What grows together goes together! Since pretzels basically grow in the beer gardens of Germany, a nice hoppy Hefeweizen will pair beautifully. Turn on some polka music and you’ll be transported to another world!
Half-Eaten Fish Sticks
Thanks to the smoky notes and fatty texture of whitefish (fish sticks), the dish can totally stand up against a light red, like an earthy Pinot Noir from Burgundy. Pinot also does an excellent job of masking underlying flavors of freezer burn or actual burning from your oven.
Fruit Snacks Found Between The Couch Cushions
The bright, concentrated flavors of fruit snacks are the perfect match for the bold flavors of a rich Zinfandel. Just don’t spill red wine on the couch when you’re digging around for more fruit snacks, because perma-stains.
Pizza “Bones” (Pizza Crust)
If you get to the point where you’re actually eating the bum-end of the formerly-most-glorious food group, then you need something stronger than your childrens’ resolve to cover every square inch of your home in Legos and/or Barbie shoes. Try bourbon on the rocks…or straight out of the bottle. Remember, no judgment here.