A Day Living In Corporate Housing

September 12, 2014Leave a comment

This whole move has been full of new adventures and “firsts” for our family: our first international flight in business class (ammmmazing…), Jon’s first weeks at his new job, and our first taste of corporate housing.

Now, if you’re like I was a few short weeks ago, you have no idea what corporate housing even is. In short, corporate housing is home purgatory. It’s where newly-hired employees (at least, the ones with excellent relocation packages) go to wait out their time until all of their STUFF transports to the same place they are so they can actually live in their own house.

We lucked out and got placed in a pretty amazing apartment for our corporate housing stint. Most of the people living in our complex are just regular apartment-dwellers, but a few of the units are rented out to people like us. Before we arrived, our “relocation team” (how fancy is that?!) went in and stocked our apartment with furniture and dishes and hotel-esque artwork so it would be ready for us to move in, plop ourselves down, and carry on with life as soon as we deplaned in California.

Buckle your seat belts, friends, because I’m going to take you on a journey that many people never get to experience. Welcome to A Day Living In Corporate Housing:

6:45
Wake up and make your bed. You feel obligated to make your bed properly every morning because it’s so much prettier than the mussed up pile of blankets you’re used to. There are pillow shams. There’s a decorative throw. There is even a duvet-less down comforter –and it’s still WHITE (well, it was white until your kids smeared Cheeto dust all over it).

7:00
Sneak out of the apartment before the kids wake up so you can take the dog down three flights of stairs and outside for her morning relief. If you wait until the kids are up, this chore will take at least an hour.

7:30
Walk into your closet to get dressed. Snarl your nose at the 3 dresses and 2 pairs of shorts that you’ve been wearing ALL SUMMER because your entire wardrobe consists of what you could carry on an airplane. 7:45
Start what is sure to be the first of many loads of laundry today. When your entire family is living out of suitcases, you have to wash the same things many times.8:00
Take a breakfast and coffee break. Thank goodness the baristas are cute.

9:00
Build with blocks. You’re getting really good at building blocks, mostly because this is the only toy that fit in your suitcase when you moved.

Take advantage of this quiet-ish moment to call on the house listings you found on Craigslist last night and preschools that you are researching for your 3 year old and banks that need your new address and relocation specialists that need to coordinate the packing and shipping of your worldly possessions that are spread across two continents.

10:00
Pool time! This is the best part about living in an apartment–daily access to FIVE swimming pools! Marvel at how your children are beginning to resemble actual fish.
11:00
Catch a free class at the on-site yoga studio.

12:00
Come home from your morning adventures. Dry off and get dressed. Throw a major tantrum. Real life still happens, even when you’re living in the corporate housing resort. 12:05
Ponder your options for lunch. Settle on some scrumptious options that were not available in your year living abroad (God bless America?!).12:30
After lunch, take a walk around the apartment complex. This will take approximately the rest of the day because the apartment complex is actually the size of a small city. No joke. 1:00
Stop for awhile to watch people working out in one of the exercise facilities. Sometimes it’s more fun to spectate than participate.1:30
Rest in the outdoor lounge areas and cozy up to the outdoor fireplace (even though it’s sunny and 75 degrees here. Every day. Yes, it’s OK to be jealous.).2:00
Visit the “apartment community” playground. Blow some bubbles for good measure.

3:00
Catch a free movie at the on-site community theater. Help yourself to popcorn, candy and drinks in the free concessions room.
5:00
Return to your apartment to find your daily doorstop delivery. You now order everything online because you still can’t figure out how to move a carload of groceries from the underground parking garage up to your 3rd floor apartment with two small children in tow.

5:15
Put all of those delivery boxes to good use: 3-2-1-BLASTOFF!!!

…and if the empty boxes fail to excite, flatten out the packing paper and create the world’s longest mural.
5:30
Make dinner. Since you only have 2 pans and 1 large spoon, opt for a preparation-free dinner. Thankfully your relocation team stocked your fridge and freezer before you arrived with gourmet offerings like frozen lasagna and broccoli that steams in its own bag in the microwave.

5:40
Watch cartoons in the living room while Mom “cooks” dinner.6:30
Go for a family walk on the trail near your apartment to work off that scrumptious dinner.6:45
Stop in the park at the center of your apartment city and throw some balls for your dog. You never have to bring your own dog toys to the park because there are about a thousand rogue balls hiding in the bushes that line the park. 7:00
Go for a quick spin in Daddy’s sweet rental car. Pick up some ice cream for dessert. 7:30
End the day with a nighttime dip in the hot tub.
8:00
Tuck in your friends and say goodnight. You’ll all sleep really well because you basically sleep in a cave (props to Dad for covering all of the bedroom windows with tinfoil to block out that strange light we aren’t used to…the sun.)

Goodnight, corporate housing!

Our new living arrangement has had its ups and downs, its challenges and its benefits–but, mostly, its been fun. And, like never before we are experiencing the truth in this statement: Home is where your heart is. Home is not a house, or even a place. No, home is where there is love.

And, no matter where life takes us, our family is always home.

House Hunters: Silicon Valley

August 29, 2014August 29, 201412 Comments

Since I arrived in California a week ago I have had one mission: FIND US A HOUSE. We are currently living in corporate housing, which has actually been sort of amazing. Our apartment complex is not too shabby…in fact, I think it might actually be a five-star resort and they just gave us keys to the wrong place. But I’m not complaining.

In a few weeks, though, we’re getting kicked out of the resort (er…apartment) so we need to find something more permanent. The rental market here is crazy (I have literally been on the computer when a house is listed, called the agent, requested a viewing for that afternoon and gotten a call back before my scheduled viewing saying that the house has already been rented). The houses, if they’re any good at all, are available one minute and then gone before you can dress the kids, go to the bathroom, lug your diaper bag down to the parking garage and buckle the car seats.

But that doesn’t really matter anyway, because nobody wants to rent to you if you have a dog (which we do) because they’re afraid the dog’s nails will scratch up their brand new hardwood floors (which they will). Oh, and another thing. The rent here is expensive. Shockingly so. And, so, it’s been a week of many deep breaths and faith and pleading with landlords to just consider our sweet dog and “let’s try this again’s”.

After many dead-ends, we have finally come to a place where we have some good housing options. I now present to you 3 of our top-contenders in this edition of House Hunters: Silicon Valley. Now that we’ve narrowed it down, maybe you can help us out. Which is your favorite?

House #1: Santa Clara Luxury Apartment

Description: This is the apartment we’re living in now, our corporate housing “resort”. It is located in Santa Clara. Our apartment is on the third floor and has 3 bedrooms/2 bathrooms. If we decide we don’t want to move, we can just stay here (or in one of the other thousands of apartments just like it that are run by the same apartment company).
Monthly Rent: I don’t even know, but there are a lot of Ferraris in the parking garage.
Pros: 5 salt water swimming pools, huge central park with running trails/playground/fields/basketball/tennis; free yoga/Zumba/spin classes in the state-of-the art on-site exercise facilities; on-site movie theater with free movies every week; on-site Starbucks/pizza place/taco restaurant; brand new apartment with all the bells and whistles.
Cons: We’re on the third floor, which means every time the dog needs out or we have to leave the house it is a 20-minute ordeal to dress and pack up the children, walk 3 flights of stairs/wait for the ridiculously slow elevator, and get outside; 30-45 minute commute to Jon’s office (and we all know how much he LOVES traffic…); no yard for playing or entertaining; only 1 reserved parking spot

House #2: Los Gatos “Big House”

Description: Located on the border of Campbell and Los Gatos on a quiet dead-end street (there’s an elementary school at the end of the road). The house has an open floor plan with 3 bedrooms/2 baths. There is also a detached 3+ car garage/utility room.
Monthly Rent: An arm and a leg
Pros: By far the biggest house we’ve seen with spacious bedrooms that we might actually be able to fit beds into AND two family rooms that you could actually fit furniture into; fully fenced yard with a covered patio, grassy play area, and a separate “hot tub” patio that is just waiting for a sandbox (or maybe a new hot tub!); weekly gardening service included (because, in California, apparently that sort of thing is considered standard); brand new stainless steel appliances in the kitchen; a ginormous detached garage with wall-to-wall storage, a full fridge/freezer, and a utility sink; in a great school district
Cons: At the top end of our budget; moderate commute to work (15-20 minutes); we have to provide our own washer and dryer; can’t walk to Starbucks in under 5 minutes

House #3: San Jose Remodel

Description: A newly remodeled home (as in, they’re still finishing the remodel this week) in the heart of Silicon Valley. 3 bedrooms/2 bath with an attached 1 car garage and a fully fenced back yard with mature fruit trees. There is also a large workshop/storage shed in the back yard.
Monthly Rent: #allthemoney
Pros: Fully remodeled with state of the art appliances, newly tiled bathrooms, fresh paint, and new hardwood floors; great location in a quiet neighborhood 10 minutes from Jon’s work; plenty of storage; wood stove for all of those cold California summers; window seat in the dining area off the kitchen; brand new washer and dryer included; separate den in addition to the bedrooms; great price for the area
Cons: Small bedrooms; shop/shed is directly outside the back door so it would be difficult to see the kids if they were playing outside and I was inside; no air conditioning; kitchen is mostly closed off from the rest of the house

Sound off! Which one would YOU choose? We’re signing a lease on one of these beauties this weekend, and our choice will be revealed tomorrow 🙂

85 Things To Do In A Seattle Summer

August 20, 2014August 20, 20143 Comments

Well, folks, it’s actually happening: we’re finally moving to California! Tomorrow morning I’m boarding a plane with the boys and, two hours later, we’ll arrive in San Jose ready to begin this next adventure.

Before we leave Seattle, however, I thought I’d give you a little (and by little, I mean massive) recap of what we’ve been up to here for the last month. It has been a very busy, action-packed summer for us in Seattle (which, by the way, is literally the most amazing place to spend a summer. It’s true. I looked it up on Wikipedia). So, just in case any of you want to visit Seattle some time, here is a not-so-brief rundown of what you could look forward to doing while you’re in town:

1. Squirt water guns

2. Shop at Costco (interesting factoid: Costco was founded in 1983–the same year I was born–right here in Seattle) 3. Visit the house that you own but never seem to actually live in 4. Go for a waterfront walk and marvel at the majestic beauty of Mount Rainier in the distance 5. Make Trader Joe’s “Fudge”: Combine in a food processor one whole box of Trader Joe’s unsweetened cocoa powder, one whole jar of Trader Joe’s coconut oil and one whole tub of Trader Joe’s creamed honey. Spread the mixture in a pan and fridge it until hard. Try to stop yourself from consuming the entire pan in one sitting. 6. Make yourself a breakfast of scones and Barry’s tea to remind you of Ireland 7. Visit Northwest Trek to get up-close and personal with some Northwest-native wildlife 8. Be so busy that your kids literally take all of their naps in the car while you are driving between activities 9. Run around Greenlake 10. Go on a private tour at Starbucks headquarters with an insider, and be jealous of the employees who get to use the do-it-yourself espresso stations located on every floor 11. Meet up with your mommy friends and cuddle all of their new babies that have been born in the past year 12. Watch the Blue Angels doing practice flights over I-5 during Seafair Weekend 13. Build sandcastles at Alki Beach 14. Take in a stunning view of the Seattle skyline with your even more stunning sister 🙂 15. Take your dog for a walk at 9:00 PM and revel in the fact that there’s still another hour of daylight left. 16. Decorate your own 100% recycled organic fully biodegradable Seattle placemat 17. Refuse to look at the camera or smile for a photo with your 91-year old great grandmother 18. Complete your first engineering project with Daddy: an LED flashlight! 19. Play in your friends’ awesome backyard 20. BBQ every day 21. Eat Dairy Queen Blizzards (you may get the idea of a DQ Blizzard stuck in your head, and you may have to drive to 5 different locations in 2 different cities before you find one that is still open, but it will be worth it) 22. Light sparklers, and always remember: safety first 23. Watch The Sound of Music at an amphitheater and get misty eyed when Maria literally walks down a mountain signing “The hills are alive with the sound of music…” 24. Play with Grammy in your secret hideout 25. Swim in a river 26. Spend the weekend with your grandparents who live over the river and through the woods 27. Play at your favorite place in the world: McDonald’s 28. Make a “Countdown Caterpillar” to count down the days until you move to California (!) 29. Visit awesome fruit stands 30. Bake treats 31. Find a book of your mom’s childhood books and spend hours reading them together 32. Jump down sand dunes at Pacific Ocean beaches 33. Play mini golf 34. Fly a kite with your grandpa 35. Strip down to your skivvies so you can swim in a lake on a hot day 36. Try–and fail–to capture the “Super Moon” with your iPhone camera 37. Spend way too much time spent in Seattle traffic. Seriously, folks, this is a problem. 38. Meet up with some awesome moms for a workout in the park 39. Get wet at a splash pad 40. Eat a picnic 41. Buy an entire family of Potato Heads off Craigslist. Sit back and relax with a magazine while your children entertain themselves for the rest of the summer. 42. Husk fresh local corn and grill it up for dinner 43. Get a pedicure with your mom on her birthday (Happy birthday, Mom!) 44. Pose as a Giant Pacific Octopus 45. Go for a walk at Chambers Bay. Well, try to go for a walk at Chambers Bay, but get a flat tire on your stroller and spend your time on the playground instead (and vow to always bring a patch and a tire pump with you from this point forward)

Go to iconic Seattle restaurants and wait in ridiculously long lines at 46. Dicks 47. Ivar’s 48. Red Mill 49. Salumi 50. Ezell’s and 51. Paseo. Consider it time very well spent.
52. Spend a day in the park catching up with dear friends 53. Jump on rocks. Why not. 54. Tend to your backyard garden. Sit in the dirt and eat kale straight off the stalk. 55. Pick apples, eat apples, throw apples for your dog like they’re tennis balls. Apples, apples, apples. 56. Pick wild blackberries and 57. Bake blackberry slump 58. Play on millions of playgrounds 59. Go to a U-pick organic blueberry farm. Pick berries until your buckets or your tummies are full, whichever comes first.60. Hike to the bottom of Snoqualmie Falls61. Drive a tractor62. Go on an alpine hike to Lake Colchuck63. Use a loo with a view64. Watch “Frozen” with your grandma and 65. Make paper snowflakes (who cares if it’s the middle of August and 90 degrees outside!)65. Visit the Bavarian Village of Leavenworth. While you’re there 66. eat a bratwurst, 67. dance to the oompa-band playing on the stage in the center of town, 68. sip a brew in a beer garden (extra points if you wear lederhosen or a dirndl), and 69. rent a giant inner tube or an inflatable raft and float down the Icicle River70. Maintain a 27 year-old tradition and go out on a (belated) birthday date with your dad71. Jump on your friends’ trampoline

72. Get a Chinese Foot Massage (it will be the best 20 bucks you’ve ever spent, trust me.)73. Wander through a rose garden 74. Reconnect with your college roommate75. Spend a day meeting the animals at Woodland Park Zoo
76. FaceTime with Daddy every night because you all miss each other like crazy when you’re living two states apart77. Drive down to Longview so you can get 4 generations together for lunch at Grandma’s favorite restaurant in the whole wide world: Sizzler78. Run out of gas on I-5 (I wasn’t driving, so we’ll just chalk this one up to another adventure on the road) and 79. Call 911 for roadside assistance (according to Google, this is what you’re actually supposed to do). Get a recorded message that all lines are busy, so please try your call again later. 80. Call 911 again and get the same recorded message 81. Call 911 for a third time and get the same recorded message. 82. Call 911 for a fourth time and actually speak to a person. Be thankful you didn’t have a REAL emergency. 83. Read running magazines in the car while you wait for roadside assistance and pray that a passing semi truck doesn’t knock your car over. 84. Thank the nice Incidence Response man who comes and gives you free gas so you can drive to the next gas station.

85. Watch the sun set over Puget Sound
…and just soak it all in, because there really is no better place than Seattle in the summertime. To all of the people and places that made this month amazing, thank you.

Until next time, Seattle! XxX

In the Middle

August 15, 2014Leave a comment

It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
-Jimmy Eat World, “The Middle”

Last month we left our home in Ireland for our next great adventure. This is not, of course, the first time we have left our home. Just over a year ago we left our home in Washington when we moved to Ireland–and now we had to do it again. With both moves we left our friends, our home, our church, our kids’ schools and playgrounds and favorite places. We left it all. And now, three weeks after moving from Ireland, we find ourselves in the middle. In the middle of this wild ride called life.

We decided to spend some time at “home” in Seattle this month before heading down to California. We wanted to spend some time catching up with our friends and family before moving yet again, another great distance away. It’s been a much-needed time of refreshment and joy for our family. We have laughed with our friends and celebrated with our family and it’s been altogether wonderful. As lovely as this time in Washington has been, though, it’s still just the middle. Jon left a week ago to start his new job in California (which he LOVES, by the way!), and I’ll be joining him there next week with the boys. This place is just a stopping-off point, not the end destination. We are living in the middle.

And then there’s the cultural “middle”: the reverse culture shock. In some ways living in Ireland was very similar to life in America, but in other ways the two could not be more different. I was away for a full year, fully immersed in another culture, and coming back “home” has had its confusing moments.

The pace of life is slower in Ireland. There aren’t as many people there. You drive on the other side of the road. When you go for a drive you see farms instead of endless traffic jams. Different types of foods are readily available–and other types of food are not available at all. There are not 5 bajillion Starbucks and Taco Bells and Best Buys and Home Depots and…well, there just are not 5 bajillions of anything in Ireland. The weather is different. The topics of conversation and the words you use are different. Different. So many things that seemed so different when we first moved to Ireland became my new norm…and now that’s all been turned upside down again. To be honest, I feel a bit lost–which is a very strange thing to feel when you are in the place where you should finally be found. I am an ex-expat. I am living in the middle.

But it’s all good. Crazy and confusing as it’s been, I enjoy this ride and I really don’t think I’d have it any other way. Yes, we’re living in the middle–but isn’t the middle just the beginning of the next part? I am excited to see what the next part of this adventure has in store for us. I know that it will have challenges and changes and all of those other things that come with new life experiences–and that’s great. I’m ready for it.

It just takes some time.

Everything will be just fine.

Everything will be alright.

Even better–this is something I learned in Ireland–everything will be grand.

10 Tips For Bringing Meals To Families In Need

June 4, 20142 Comments

When I came home from the hospital after having my first baby I was a bit overwhelmed. Two days earlier I had left my home with my husband and now we were returning with our souvenir: a person. A person who I had to feed and keep clean and allow to sleep while I was awake and tend to when I’d rather be sleeping. For those first few weeks I felt like all I did was breastfeed my baby and try not to think about how much every inch of my body hurt in new and unusual ways. Doing anything productive–cooking, cleaning, walking by myself to the bathroom–was out of the question.

I was beyond grateful, then, when several friends offered to bring us meals during those first few weeks home. Not only did I not have to cook dinner each night, but I didn’t even have to think about it. Nor did my husband. The food just magically appeared, we woke up from our delirium long enough to eat it, and then we fell back into our new-parents trance.

Fast forward four years, and now it’s my turn to pay it forward. Any time we know someone who is in need–whether they’ve just had a baby, are coming home from a surgery, or are suffering from a loss–we try to return the favor. Bringing someone food during their time of need is a simple, yet impactful way of showing them that you care. I’ve prepared dozens of meals for families in need (and have received dozens of meals from our gracious friends) over the years. I’ve picked up a few tips along the way for bringing meals that will bless others. Here are my top 10:

1. Eat one/ Share one
Why make extra work for yourself? Rather than making a special meal to bring to someone, just make a double batch of whatever you’re planning for your own family. Then bring the second serving to the person in need.

2. Make It Freezable
Make a dish that can be easily frozen and reheated if they don’t want to eat it right now. The person you are cooking for may want to save your meal for another time–maybe they aren’t very hungry tonight, or they actually have the energy to cook right now, or their fridge is already full of leftovers from the other people who have been bringing them food. If you give them the option to freeze your meal, then it’s a gift that can be given (er…eaten…) whenever the time is right for them. Check out these 24 freezable meals if you need some inspiration.
*If you do make something that can be frozen, be sure inform the recipient of this fact. Also include instructions on how to cook or reheat the meal from frozen.

3. Stick To The Basics
This is not the time to try some fancy new recipe or see what happens if you dump the entire jar of Cayenne Pepper into the soup. Cook something tried-and-true so you aren’t left scrambling at the last minute if it doesn’t work out. Make something that people with “average” palates could appreciate, especially if there are children in the family who will be sharing the meal. Also, be sure to ask the recipient in advance if they have any allergies, intolerances, or food preferences.

4. Include Your Recipe
On the off-chance that your friend really likes the food your bringing her, she may want to make it again. I always include a copy of the recipe I have prepared–if nothing else, maybe she can add it to her baby’s memory book so they can look back and remember what Mom and Dad ate while they were recovering from newborn-itis. Along with this, I always write down directions for heating/reheating the meal I’ve prepared–especially how long it will take for the food to cook.

5. NO DISHES!!!
My least favorite part of cooking is certainly not the cooking. No, it’s the dishes. Those dang dishes that pile up after every meal. So, when I’m trying to help out a friend in need, I make sure they don’t have to wash a single dish. I buy foil baking dishes, Tupperware containers, Ziploc bags and paper plates when they’re on sale so I have them on hand whenever I want to bring someone a meal. When I drop off a meal I tell the recipient that I don’t want any of it back–they can clean ’em and keep ’em or just throw them away. Done deal.

6. Don’t Forget The Extras
If I’m going to all the effort of making someone a nice meal, I want it to be…nice. That means a bottle of wine or sparkling cider. Extra sauce. Some flowers for their table. DESSERT. It’s the little things that make a difference.

7. Let Others Do The Cooking
Restaurant takeout, pizza delivery, ready-made meals from the grocery store, take-and-bake pizzas, even grocery delivery are all great options. Plus, the best part about letting somebody else do the cooking is that you can use this option remotely and still have food delivered on your behalf. Even though we live thousands of miles away, we’ve been able to send food to several friends in Seattle this year by ordering them pizzas or having Safeway drop off some groceries at their home.

8. Coordinate Meal Delivery
There are several websites out there that make coordinating meal deliveries easy. You can include all of the pertinent information–the recipient’s name, address, directions to their house, phone number, dietary restrictions, best times for food delivery–all in one place. This makes it easy for people to sign up for a day or time to bring a meal and share what they’re bringing to help eliminate confusion. A few of my favorite meal-coordination sites are Take Them A Meal, Meal Train, and Care Calendar.

9. Don’t Expect To Stay And Chat
When you deliver a meal to someone in need, don’t plan on making a day of it. The recipient may or may not be up for visitors right now, but don’t assume this is your chance to get some quality one-on-one time. New parents especially have their hands full, and they may just want you to quietly leave your food and move right along (so they can, you know, scarf down the only meal they’re going to eat today before the baby wakes up). Soon enough they will be ready for visitors–in fact, they’ll probably be begging for someone to come pass the time with them in a few months–but right now your mission is to bring food and leave them in peace.

10. Consider Other Meals
If you are bringing someone dinner, consider bringing along a little something extra for breakfast the next day. These meals that friends are bringing may be the only real meals this person is eating–and Mom always said that breakfast was the most important meal of the day.

With a little preparation and a few thoughtful touches, you can brighten someone’s day when they need it the most–and fill their tummies while you’re at it! Now, go forth and pay it forward.

How a Mom Actually Cooks Dinner

May 23, 2014May 23, 2014Leave a comment

Last night I decided to try a new recipe for dinner. When it comes to dinner–especially week-night dinners–I usually try to stick with the basics. Things that I’ve made a thousand times and could cook in my sleep (or in the zombie-like trance that is otherwise known as “motherhood”). I had found a new recipe that I really wanted to try, though, and I was feeling brave so I decided to give it a go.

The recipe in question this night was Sausage and Roasted Vegetable Penne. The recipe basically went like this:

Prep time: 15 minutes
Level of difficulty: Easy

Directions:
Step 1: Chop and roast vegetables
Step 2: Boil water and cook pasta
Step 3: Cook sausage
Step 4: Mix it all together and serve

It all seemed simple enough. 15 minutes. Four easy steps. I can do this. Even at the end of a long day with two tired children…how hard could it be? Famous last words…

Here is how a mom actually cooks dinner:

Prep time: 1 1/2 hours, give or take
Level of difficulty: Grueling

Directions:
Step 1: Wash your hands.
Step 2: Start chopping onions but stop halfway through to go change a diaper.
Step 3: Wash your hands.
Step 4: Start chopping bell peppers but stop halfway through to give the kids a snack.
Step 5: Start chopping zucchini but stop halfway through to deal with your distraught 3-year old who has discovered that some monster (you) threw away one of his broken McDonald’s toys.

Step 6: Toss vegetables with olive oil and a bit of salt and pepper. Place on a baking tray.
Step 7: Try to put the baking tray in your oven and realize that it’s too big and won’t fit. Transfer everything to a smaller tray. Total time elapsed thus far: 38 minutes.

Step 8: While the vegetables are roasting in the oven, put some water in a pot for the pasta. While the pot is filling, you get a phone call. You (stupidly) answer the phone and it’s a telemarketer who won’t hang up. Run back to the sink and dump half of the water out of your overflowing pot.
Step 9: Put the pot on to boil. Meanwhile, begin to cook sausage in a pan.
Step 10: Trip over the dog 5,000 times.
Step 11: Toss the vegetables and return them to the oven.
Step 12: Drag your toddler around the kitchen while he sits on your foot.

Step 13: Deglaze the sausage with a splash of white wine. Decide that’s a good idea and pour yourself a glass.

Step 14: Add pasta to the boiling water and cook to al dente.
Step 15: Discover that your children have moved all of their muddy balls from the backyard into your kitchen. Spend the next few minutes throwing muddy balls out the back door.

Step 16: Wash your hands.
Step 17: Remove vegetables from the oven.
Step 18: Read a story to your distraught toddler who, judging by his wails, thinks you have abandoned him for all eternity.

Step 19: Drain pasta, reserving some of the liquid for your sauce.
Step 20: Answer your 3-year old’s shouts that he’s “all done and needs a wipe” in the upstairs bathroom.
Step 21: Wash your hands.
Step 22: Eat some cheese.
Step 23: Combine pasta, sausage, and roasted veggies in a large pot. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and serve.
Step 24: Collapse exhausted in your seat at the dinner table and hope that somebody will actually eat the meal set before them instead of the usual “that’s gross” or throwing food across the room to the dog.
Step 24: Give yourself a pat on the back and a gold star. Dinner: accomplished.

Hooray! You did it! Now, go clean those dishes and get ready because you get to do it all over again tomorrow night. Actually, scratch that. Just look up the phone number for pizza delivery and save yourself the trouble. How hard could that be?

Fortunately I Know I Will Laugh About This Some Day

May 13, 2014May 13, 20143 Comments

There are many fears that we have as parents. Fears over safety, health, and our child’s general well-being. I would have to say, though, that one of my worst fears as a mom is over something that I encounter nearly every day of my life: that my child will have to go to the bathroom at an inconvenient time or place. Seriously. The panic that sets in when you hear the words “Mommy, I have to go“–and you know there’s nowhere to go–is unparalleled. This happens to me all. the. time. Somehow they just seem to know the single most inconvenient place to declare a need for relief and I somehow have to magically find a solution. As a matter of example, here is a brief excerpt from our trip to the park today:

Fortunately I had about an hour to kill this morning before we were meeting up with some friends for lunch, so I thought we would stop by a new park for some fun play time.

Unfortunately as soon as we pulled into the parking lot David grabbed his crotch and said he had to go potty.

Fortunately a woman in the parking lot told me there were toilets in a cafe in the park.

Unfortunately the cafe was about 1/4 mile away from the parking lot on the opposite side of the park.

Fortunately I’m a strong momma so I picked up my toddler and ran with David all the way across the park to the cafe.

Unfortunately the restrooms were for cafe customers only.

Fortunately I had a coin in my pocket, so I bought a fruit snack before we rushed into the bathroom to do our business.

Unfortunately we were not at the park to spend all day in the bathroom and a little cafe.

Fortunately there was a fantastic playground back on the other side of the park near the parking lot. The boys had a blast swinging and sliding and spinning and climbing.

Unfortunately our time in the playground eventually came to an end and we had to get ready to leave for our lunch.

Fortunately David said he didn’t have to go potty again before we left, so we started to walk out to our car.

Unfortunately he was lying.

Fortunately I knew where the bathroom was this time, and when he started doing his little potty dance I grabbed him by the hand and started leading him back across the park.

Unfortunately we only got halfway across the park toward the cafe toilets when David stopped in his tracks, looked up to me and said he didn’t have to go potty any more.

Fortunately the front of his pants were still dry.

Unfortunately, the back of his pants were quite brown and stinky.

Fortunately I had a change of clothes for him in the diaper bag that was back in our car.

Unfortunately, the car was now on the opposite side of the park again.

Fortunately I’m a strong momma and I was able to, for the third time this morning, run across the park while schlepping a flailing toddler in my arms and chasing a distracted preschooler all the way back to the car.

Unfortunately by the time we got back to the car to retrieve the diaper bag I really didn’t want to walk all the way back across the park to the cafe again.

Fortunately I spotted a public toilet right across from the playground.

Unfortunately it was one of those super-sketchy public toilets that is a single pod and you have to pay to go inside and then a metal door slides shut behind you and I’m pretty sure meth addicts hang out in them and they are always disgusting and smell like the inside of a sewage treatment plant.

Fortunately I’m a strong momma who’d already had been through enough crazy this morning that the sketchy public toilet didn’t bother me as much as it should have so we went in anyway.

Unfortunately it was just as disgusting as I’d imagined it would be and I had to cover the entire room with toilet paper before I would allow my children to step foot inside.

Fortunately David finished his business on the toilet instead of in his pants.

Unfortunately I’d used up all of our allotted toilet paper making a semi-sanitary environment for my children and there wasn’t enough left to clean up David (remember, it’s a sketchy pay-by-the-minute public toilet with a toilet paper allowance).

Fortunately I had baby wipes in the diaper bag. They did the trick.

Unfortunately while I was cleaning David up with the baby wipes Jacob saw the giant flashing red button that was right at his eye level: the SOS button. He pushed it. Sirens went off. Lights started flashing. The metal door that had been shielding us and our poop-covered selves from the rest of the decent world crashed open.

Fortunately David didn’t even notice that he was stark naked and covered in poop in the middle of a public park. We finished getting him cleaned up, dressed him in clean pants, and walked out of the toilet as if nothing had ever happened.

Unfortunately I lost the last bit of dignity that I had been holding onto since I was in labor with my babies.

Fortunately I’m still alive to tell you this story. I didn’t die of embarrassment or a heart attack or a staph infection from the disgusting public toilet. And in the end, I guess that’s all that really matters.

Unfortunately this is a true story.

Fortunately I know I will laugh about this some day.

The End

Life With Boys

April 25, 2014Leave a comment

I grew up in a family of all girls. My world as a child revolved around ballerinas, princesses, frilly dresses and “playing” house (oh, the irony…). Fast forward a few years and the roles have been reversed. I am now the only female in a house run by boys (children and husband counted in that tally). And, as you might expect, my world is a bit different now. Life with boys usually leaves me dumbfounded and, sometimes, just plain shocked. I offer you the following examples of how my life has changed now that I am living a life with boys:

1. On a beautiful Spring afternoon I took my 3-year old son out to play in the field across the street from our house. As we laid in the grass some daisies caught our eye. David started picking the delicate flowers and I taught him how to make daisy chains.

As I was adding the final flower to our daisy chain I looked up to show David our beautiful creation…only he wasn’t sitting behind me any more. No, he had stood up, turned around, dropped his pants down to his ankles (remember, we’re in the field in the middle of our neighborhood) and was peeing all over the daisies. No daisy crown for you, son.

2. Due to my boys’ destructive tendencies, I have become an expert at mending all manner of broken things (clothes, toys, books, the family dog).

3. David and Jacob will just be walking along and, all of a sudden, they’ll stop in their tracks, lay down in a pile of mud and start making “snow angels”. For no reason.

4. Most days when I go to put on my shoes or boots there are little surprises waiting inside for me:

5. When I point out a cool bug for them to look at their first instinct is to smash it to smithereens.

6. All of my kitchen gadgets are tools with much more creative uses than they were originally designed for. The salad tongs are screwdrivers, the meat mallet is a hammer, the wooden spoons are drumsticks, the whisk is a light saber, the pastry cutter is a violin and the vegetable peeler is its bow. As a result, my boys have enjoyed hours of endless entertainment from my gadget drawer…and I have to re-wash every kitchen tool every day.

7. I always check my drinking glass before I take a sip of water. You never know what might be lurking inside…plastic soldiers:

…or grapes (but we wanted to see if they’d float, Mom!):

8. I am trying to allow David to exert his independence and help get himself dressed for school in the morning. Nine times out of ten, though, we end up with something like this:

9. I find myself uttering ridiculous phrases like “Don’t pull your brother’s penis!” and “Quit peeing on the picnic table! That’s where we were going to eat dinner tonight!”.

10. We have actually coerced David into eating his dinner by allowing him to run laps in the kitchen. For every bite of food he ate, he got to run one lap around the kitchen. It was the only time this month that he ate his entire plate of dinner in one sitting (even though he wasn’t exactly sitting).

11.Everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) revolves around balls: basketballs, baseballs, footballs, tennis balls, rugby balls, soccer balls, golf balls, bouncy balls, bowling balls. Our house is littered with balls. Our topic of conversation at dinner revolves around balls. A good day or a bad day depends on how many balls we played with and whether or not they were full of enough air. Even our food must be referred to in ball terms if there is any hope of getting my boys to eat it (Have you tried your pea balls yet? Look at that chicken–it almost looks like a football! Did you know that the best soccer players eat all of their broccoli?).

12. Every time they see a dandelion they roar with all their might (Get it? DandeLIONS?).

Yes, life with boys is a challenging, head-scratching, patience-testing, learn-more-each-day experience. In the end, though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. My boys have taught me to be more spontaneous, to enjoy getting messy, to use my imagination in new and creative ways, and to laugh more. They are the apples of my eye, and I wouldn’t trade them for all of the frills and fluff and lace that money could buy.

Nature Scavenger Hunt

April 3, 2014April 3, 2014Leave a comment

Spring is finally upon us and nature is beginning to wake up after the long winter. With warmer days and new life appearing all around us, it is the perfect opportunity to get outside and observe nature–especially if you can bring your kids along for the fun!

One of our family’s favorite activities is to go exploring–just find a trail or a beach or a patch of woods and see where it takes us. This week I decided to take advantage of my boys’ excitement over exploring (and David’s new-found obsession with scavenger hunts) and embark on our first-ever nature scavenger hunt. The concept is simple, but there is so much (fun) learning that can happen on a hunt like this.

To begin, we needed only two supplies: our “treasure map” (a Nature scavenger hunt page that I created that included items I knew we could find in the woods behind our house) and a jar with a lid (I just used a clean, empty jam jar).

Then, it was time to start searching! I held onto the “treasure map” and David carried the jar, where we placed our “treasures” as they were found.

Jacob loved following his big brother on our hunt, and he even found a few treasures of his own to add to our collection.

The boys were thrilled to be outside running around finding treasures to place in their nature jar. David couldn’t wait to see what was next on the treasure map and he carried his nature jar around with such pride.

After we’d found every item on our treasure map we walked back home and brought the nature jar inside for observation. We had three ladybugs in our jar, and the boys were absolutely mesmerized by them. In fact, David sat like this for about half an hour while I made dinner (and, just so you know, that is highly unusual!):

I poked some air holes in the lid of the jar for our little ladybug friends and we kept them for two days before releasing them back into the wild (our back yard). The boys couldn’t get enough of their nature jar, so this was the perfect opportunity to sneak in some learning. Here are a few questions I asked David to get him thinking about what he observed on our nature walk and in his nature jar:

How many (sticks, rocks, leaves) can you see in the jar?
Is this rock smooth or rough? Is it hard or soft?
Which (stick, rock, leaf) is the biggest/smallest/longest/shortest/darkest/lightest?
What colors do you see?
How many legs are on the ladybug? How many eyes? How many wings? How many dots on its back?
Which of these treasures are alive or come from living things?
Can you arrange these stones in a row from smallest to largest?
Which of these items starts with a b/r/t/f sound?
Can you think of a word that rhymes with bug/twig/rock?
How many syllables are in the word flower/pinecone/twig/leaf/berry?
What was your favorite part of the nature walk? Why?
Which of these items do not belong in nature? Why shouldn’t this be in nature? Where does it belong instead? (One of our items was litter and, unfortunately, we found lots of it on the trail. After this experience, I think our next nature walk may be a litter clean-up!)

We can’t wait to go on another scavenger hunt soon to see what else we can find!

What Happens When My Back Is Turned

February 21, 20142 Comments

I have two sweet, adorable, loving, havoc-wreaking sons. In the last week or so I think they have teamed up together and made some sort of secret pact to destroy my home, my sanity and, possibly, each other. They’ve always loved getting into mischief together, but lately they’ve taken their escapades to a whole new level. It seems that every time I turn my back–to wash some dishes, change my clothes, or (God forbid) pee in a room with a closed door–I turn around to find utter and complete disaster. And just so you know I’m not making this up so I have something to whine about, here are a few examples from a 2-day period this week:

Reason my back was turned: I was making breakfast
Time elapsed: 6 minutes
Resulting disaster: 3 large tubs of toys were dumped down the stairs and strategically scattered in the most debilitating places to step on them with bare feet.

Reason my back was turned: I was washing dishes after breakfast
Time elapsed: 4 minutes
Resulting disaster: Remember all of those toys that they threw down the stairs before breakfast? Well, now they shoved half of them out the mail slot and into the pouring rain outside our front door.

Reason my back was turned: I was vacuuming the hallway outside the bedroom door.
Time elapsed: 3 minutes
Resulting disaster: Both boys climbed on top of Jacob’s (rickety) changing table. They opened a bottle of Purel and smeared the contents around the room (well, at least one room got cleaned today). They took every book off the bookshelf. They emptied all 5 boxes of clothes from the changing table. They pulled all of the blankets out of Jacob’s crib. They attempted to empty the diaper pail (Haha! Mom scores 1/2 a point for preemptively moving the diaper pail off the floor).

Reason my back was turned: I made a phone call to schedule a doctor’s appointment
Time elapsed: 2 minutes
Resulting disaster: Every drawer in my kitchen was emptied onto the floor (the floor which, by the way, is covered in filth because I apparently can’t afford to turn my back long enough to clean it properly).

Reason my back was turned: I was getting dressed
Time elapsed: 4 minutes
Resulting disaster: They dumped 4 rolls of toilet paper into the toilet, tried to flush the toilet, and then started swirling around the overflowing mess with a toilet brush. Oh yeah, and the other half of the toys that didn’t get shoved out of the mail slot? They were in there, too.

Reason my back was turned: I was going to the bathroom (the upstairs bathroom, not the gross one that they just demolished downstairs)
Time elapsed: 30 seconds
Resulting disaster: They emptied every drawer and basket in David’s closet and moved the clothes to the floor on the other side of the closet (by the way, I’d just finished folding the laundry and putting all of the clothes neatly away in said drawers). They dumped a bin of shoes and boots down the stairs for good measure.

Reason my back was turned: I was loading the stroller into our car. So we could leave the house and take my childrens’ destructive tendencies elsewhere.
Time elapsed: 1 minute
Resulting disaster: David emptied and entire box of Kleenex and began throwing them around the kitchen like they were big, fluttery snowflakes. This is him cleaning up the mess–good luck to anyone who tries to take a tissue out of that box…

I’m exhausted just looking at these photos again. And the *best* part is, I know that this is only the beginning. Oh, Lord help me. Some day they’ll be big boys–and then teenagers— with access to things like rope and knives and fire and other mischievous boys. For now, though, we’re doing what we can to quench their quest to destroy. With super-effective deterrents like zip-tie locks on our cabinets:

And scarves tied around the drawers so nobody (not even me!) can open them:

And baby chains tying down the handle of the diaper pail:

And duct tape over the mail slot:

We’re living in Fort Knox here, folks. I know that this is a battle I’m probably just going to lose again and again and again. And, even though it drives me crazy, I’m kind of okay with that. They are, after all, little boys who are exploring their world. They’re testing their limits. They’re experimenting (maybe they’ll grow up to be amazing scientists some day?).

In the meantime, though, know that I’m watching you, boys. Even when my back is turned.

We Love, Teach, Grow

My journey through motherhood

Category: Daily Life