Dear Hannah: A Love Letter To My Daughter On Her First Birthday

February 8, 2017February 8, 2017Leave a comment

Dear Hannah,

Happy first birthday, darling! As I gaze at your sweet face I am at once questioning how a whole year has already passed since I first met you, and at the same time feeling as if you’ve been a part of me–a part of us–forever. I am so blessed to have shared this, your first year of many yet to come, with you.

Looking back at this year is like viewing a mosaic–many small pieces that come together to form a full picture. Small pieces like your first smile at 8 weeks old, and the thousands of smiles that have lit up the world since then. Small pieces like your tender cuddles, your tiny body sinking into mine. Small pieces like your snarl nose when you’re feeling feisty. Small pieces like the way you sneeze three times every time you see a bright light. Small pieces every day, a thousand moments meshed together.

And then there are the bigger moments. The loving relationship you’ve already developed with your big brothers (May you always keep your big brothers close. Especially when you’re a teenager and claim that you’re ready for a boyfriend.). The bond you’ve created with your daddy (May you train him in what a princess is and how to treat her.). The growth you’ve made from a tiny, squirmy infant to an independent mover and self-feeder (May you continue to become more self-sufficient. Maybe even learn to wipe your own bum some day…and teach your brothers, too, will ya?).

This year has been a big year for our family, and I’m glad you got to join us on the journey! This year we gazed into the depths of the Grand Canyon and wondered at the massive granite walls of Yosemite. We dipped our toes in the Pacific Ocean (…and ate lots of Pacific Ocean sand. Lots of it. And by we, I mean you.). We flew on airplanes and drove the entire length of the West Coast. We fueled old relationships and made new friends. We learned and laughed and loved together. We had ups and downs and learning curves, but we made it. And, truly, we are all better for it.

So now, as you begin your second year, my prayer is that you will continue to grow into you. That you will realize more each day the you that God created you to be, and that he would bless that growth. That you would learn to depend on God in the same way you now depend on me–for your very sustenance and life. I pray that you would know the same love and joy that you bring to me each and every day.

Thank you for joining me on this adventure called life–I can’t wait to see where life takes us this next year! Happiest of birthdays to you!

All my love,

Mommy

To My Daughter On The Eve Of Her Birth

February 9, 2016February 9, 2016Leave a comment

Disclaimer: I started writing this post a few days ago in preparation for my scheduled C-section today. Baby had other plans, though, and arrived on her own schedule a day early! I still wanted to share my thoughts leading up to her birth, though, so I’ll share this with you on the day AFTER her birth! Watch for her whole birth story coming soon!

Dear baby girl,
Tomorrow our world will change forever!

We have been waiting these past nine months–and for years before that–for this very moment. And now that it is here, I can hardly believe it. Tomorrow will be the culmination of our prayers and our wondering and our waiting: you will be born. No longer will we hold you in just our hearts and in my womb, but we will hold you close in our arms. I. Can’t. Wait.

Even though we haven’t officially met yet, I feel like I already know you so well. We’ve already had 39 weeks together as one being, intimately connected through every moment of your life thus far. I have to thank you, because during this pregnancy you have been very good to me (well, as long as you don’t count those first three months when I constantly felt like I was stumbling off the teacup ride and would puke any time I saw a salad). Our doctor has commented several times that we are a model pregnancy and she wishes that every patient of hers would be so “easy”. I think we’ll make a great team!

At every prenatal appointment when I hear your heartbeat on the doppler I still get tears in my eyes because it is the sound of your beautiful life. I can’t wait to meet you and see who you become–to witness the outpourings of that beautiful heart and to share in the love that will come from it. I want to know what will touch your heart and what will trouble it, what will make it content and what will make it beat a bit faster. I look forward to knowing who you are, from the inside out.

I can’t wait to see you. I keep wondering what you will look like–will you resemble your brothers with light hair and piercing blue eyes? Or will you be the kid who picks up some of my genes and have my green eyes…maybe even red hair like your grandpa? Will you be soft and squishy or long and lean? Tomorrow I will gaze at your face for the first time and it will be like meeting a stranger–a stranger who I already love.

Your brothers can’t wait to meet you, either. Every day they smother my belly with kisses and whisper sweet words to you. David is excited to show you all of his toys and share his favorite movies with you. Jacob still thinks that you’ll be sleeping with him in his bed every night so he can give you extra cuddles. They adore you already, baby girl.

As you grow up, your brothers will care for you and defend you, teach you and–most likely–drive you completely bananas. Just know that they love you very much–and I’ll do my best to remind you of this when I have to unbury you from a mountain of Toy Story toys or rock you back to sleep because they’re running around outside your bedroom during nap time like the wild banshees that they are. They mean well, and I pray that the three of you will have an amazing relationship throughout your lives.

Speaking of amazing relationships, I can’t wait to see your daddy doting on you. He has wanted a daughter for as long as I’ve known him, and I know that you will be his little princess! Your daddy is an incredible man and he will treat you the way you should be treated: with love, respect, encouragement, and dedication. I am proud that you will have such a worthy man as your role model–he will be your daddy, but he will also be your biggest fan.

So, as we close in on these last few hours before our first meeting, know that you are already cherished. Sure, there will be lots of craziness in your life–that just goes with the territory when you’re the third child born into a busy family. But know this: no matter how crazy life may get, you are loved, you are treasured, and you will be welcomed with the most open of arms.

I love you, baby girl, and I so look forward to being your mother!

Always and forever,

Mommy

P.S. Happy early birthday–I just wanted to be the first one to say it! Tomorrow we shall have cake 🙂

Happy Birthday, Husband (33 Reasons Why I Love You)

March 30, 2015March 30, 20152 Comments

This a monumental, magnificent, marvelous, metamorphic day. Thirty-three years ago on this day, my life changed. I hadn’t even been born yet, but the course of my life was already being set by one simple event. You see, thirty-three years ago on this day my husband was born. It would still be another 20 years until we met, and yet it was a day that would (some day) forever change my life.

Jon, you have changed my life in every way that is good, and I truly can not imagine what this world would be like without you. I love you more today than the day that I met you, more than the day that we said “I do”. I love you infinity ways, but since this is your 33rd birthday, I’ll start with 33 reasons why I love you:

1. You love me well–even when I’m being unlovable. Which is practically never.

2. You never give up–even if that dang rocket set that we bought off the internet is a dud, and even if the second rocket set that we bought off the internet is still a dud, and even if the third rocket set that we bought off the internet still won’t work, you never give up. Amazon thanks you.

3. You have convinced our children that you are actually a cartoon superhero with an alternate life. Seriously, major props.

4. You let me win at Scattergories. Every time.

5. You feed our dog ice cream cones…while she’s sitting in your passenger seat at the drive-thru.

6. You work at one of the most prestigious companies in the world, and yet you still sneaked in wearing a fake mustache and a monocle in your I.D. card photos. How very Colonel Mustard of you…

7. You respect the proper way to drink whiskey: Jameson in a Jameson glass.

8. You put up with my annoying-to-some-people habits (like chewing with my mouth open).

9. You snap flies out of the air like you’re some sort of kung-fu ninja or something.

10. You can carry our whole family on your back. At the same time.

11. You lay on the couch at night and whine with me about how our feet hurt and our backs hurt and how old we’re getting now that we’re in our 30’s.

12. You make me chai tea in the morning. Not in the microwave like I make it for myself, but with steamed milk and perfectly frothy foam on top.

13. You read our boys bedtime stories, and you do all the voices.

14. You eat every morsel of food I ever set before you. Unlike some other members of our family (who shall remain nameless), never once have you thrown it on the floor or spit on it or smeared it in your hair.

15. You always put the toilet seat down and you refill the toilet paper roll facing the correct way.

16. You drove for 18 straight hours in a car with me, a preschooler, a toddler, and a dog. Enough said.

17. You have fixed Buzz Lightyear literally 1,000 times.

18. You give melt-in-your-arms hugs.

19. You stopped me from wearing gauchos. The fashion police applaud you.

20. You let me cry when I see the Johson & Johnson baby ads on TV.

21. You sneak-attack me with marshmallow fights.

22. You know all of your baristas by name and even get invited to their parties. How much do you tip them, anyway?

23. You can cook just about anything en papillote.

24. You laugh at my corny jokes, even when I forget the punchline.

25. You know the power of texting back with a good emoji sequence.

26. You have an impeccable memory. Not that I ever forget things or get information incorrect. Almost never. Ever.

27. No matter how tired you are after a long day, you always come home and wrestle our boys. Even though they punch you in the face.

28. You always do your very best, even when nobody’s watching, and even when some people might find it unnecessary. For instance, when measuring a child’s height on a growth chart, some people might free-hand it or trace the straight edge of a ruler. But not you, because you know there’s a better way. You are the only person I know who has a custom-made, scientifically exact tool for precisely measuring a child’s height to the nearest nano-millimeter.

29. You never criticize me when the only thing I notice about a car is its color.

30. You derive great enjoyment from watching YouTube videos about the Shapeoko 3. Heck, I love that you even know what a Shapeoko 3 IS.

31. You can rock Vibram 5-fingers like it’s nobody’s business.

32. You invented “Zurg Spears”, the single-most effective way to get our boys to eat their dinner.

33. You love me wholly, truly, unconditionally. And, really, what else do we need?

Happy birthday, Sweetie! To 33 years, and many more!

XxX Wifey

A Note of Encouragement For C-Section Mamas

September 5, 2013September 5, 20133 Comments

A dear friend of mine recently had her first baby–a joyous event, to be certain, but one that nonetheless left her feeling a bit heartbroken. The beautiful, natural birth experience that she had spent 9 months dreaming about was shattered when her doctors wheeled her into the O.R. for a C-Section. She was devastated. And I can relate.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I planned an all-natural out-of-hospital birth.

It ended in a C-Section. I was devastated.

Twenty-one months later I was ready to deliver my second baby. This time, things would be different. Since I’d had a previous C-Section I was denied access to the same birth center where I’d labored with my first baby. So, next best bet, I chose the best VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-Section) doctor in my region to help me deliver my baby “naturally” in a hospital.

It ended in a C-Section. I had hope.

This letter is to all of you mamas out there who, like me, have unexpectedly been thrown on the C-Section Roller Coaster.

Dear C-Section Mama,

This sucks. I know. And even though “at least everyone is healthy”, it still sucks. Yes, your baby is perfect and wonderful and safe. But that doesn’t change the fact that things just aren’t…right.

It’s alright to love your baby and still feel saddened by their birth. You wanted something different, something beautiful. Something that you experienced from start to finish–every pain, every squeeze, every push, every sensation. You wanted to know what it was like to feel life enter the world. That was taken away from you. And it sucks.

You spent months–if not years–dreaming about your baby and their birth. You read all the books. You ate all the right foods (okay, most of the right foods!). You exercised. You planned and you prayed. You did everything…right. Yet this still happened. It sucks.

And the worst part of all? You know that your body was designed to do this. A woman’s body is supposed to bear children and, one would assume, birth them at the appropriate time. Yet somehow your body has failed you in this most basic of tasks. It sucks.

While everyone around you is marveling at your new bundle of joy, you can’t help but feel a nagging feeling of loss. A loss of the experience you wanted to have for that baby’s birth–the only chance you had to experience that baby’s birth. And, you know what? That’s a fine feeling to have. Because, despite the joy and the relief and the love you are feeling right now, it’s also okay to feel the loss. It was real, and it hurts.

Know this, though, Mama. You are strong, you are capable, and you are going to be an amazing mother to this child. The birth experience that you lost does not define you, and this is only the beginning of the greatest adventure you’ll ever take. An adventure that will have many peaks and valleys, some expected, but many that you never saw coming. ‘Tis the spice of life.

There are other moms out there who have been through this very experience right along with you–and we’re all cheering for you. Not for your loss, but for your gain.

Welcome to the best role you’ll ever get to fill: Mama.

You, of all women, have definitely earned it!

A Love Letter To My Baby On His First Birthday

July 26, 2013August 7, 2014Leave a comment

Today is my baby’s first birthday. How did that happen? I really can’t believe that it’s already been a year–turns out, time moves forward in warp speed when you have two young children. Each day is a balancing act of making memories and basic survival. I’ve mostly got the survival part down now, and I feel like we’ve done a pretty good job in the “making memories” department this year, as well.

When I was pregnant with my first child I started writing him letters. I didn’t know who this baby would be yet, but I already knew that I loved him. I wrote my first “baby love letter” the day I found out I was pregnant–and I continued writing to him throughout my pregnancy. I did the same thing with my second child, and I still write my boys letters periodically. Whenever something important happens I will write my son a letter to let him know what I was thinking and feeling in that moment. I want to capture the memories.

Maybe some day when my boys are much older and I give them these letters, they’ll enjoy seeing what was going on in their crazy mom’s mind as they were growing up. And, even if they don’t appreciate them, I know that I’ll be glad I wrote down my thoughts during this busy time in our life where I usually can’t even remember what I had for breakfast.

I always hand-write the letters–there’s something so much more personal and intimate about a hand-written letter. It shows that I took the time and the care to pull out some nice paper and get sore fingers from gripping the pen. I start by writing the date, location, and age of my son at the top of the page. The rest is just my un-edited thoughts–whatever first comes to my mind get’s put on the page.

So, on this most momentous of days, I had to write a letter to my dear little Jacob (transcription below). Happy birthday, little snuggle bear!

July 26, 2013
Cork, Ireland
You are 1 year old!

Dear Jacob,

Wow–I can’t believe you are already ONE! Where did this year go?! It seems like just yesterday that I met you and held your sweet, tiny body next to mine for the first time. And, yet, here we are a whole year later.

This has been a truly remarkable year. You have grown and changed so much from that tiny bundle we brought home last July. Now you are crawling all over the place– gotta keep up with your big brother David! you pull up on furniture and even try to climb the stairs. For most of this year you’ve been content to stay where I put you, but now your adventurous side is starting to come out! I hope that as you grow older you are bold to take new risks–and that you learn from your journeys, no matter the outcome.

Speaking of journeys, this has been quite the year of journeys for you! At 12 months old you’ve already seen more of the world than many people get to see in their lives. We’ve taken you all around the great state of Washington, to Arizona, to California, and even 2 trips to Europe!

About 2 weeks ago we moved to Cork, Ireland. Your dad and I were just talking about how your first memories in life will take place here in Ireland. Your first steps, first conversations, and first friends will all begin in this beautiful place. We know that as you get older you probably won’t remember a lot about our years here in Ireland, but I hope that our time here will lay a strong foundation for your life.

On this very special day, Jacob, I am praying for you and your foundation. My greatest hope and prayer for you is that with each passing day and each passing year you will grow closer to our Lord Jesus Christ. If you’ve got Jesus, you will be set for life. Don’t ever forget that!

I pray that you will always draw close to God–the same way that you draw close to me now whenever you are tired or scared or needing some extra love. God will give you rest, He will protect you, and–most importantly–He will always love you. He is the only one who could ever possible love you more than I do–and that’s a big, big love!

I love you, Jacob Daniel. I love your cuddles, I love your giggles, I love your little snarl nose, I love your laid-back approach to life (I’m learning a bit of this from you already!). I love the way you trill your tongue when you’re upset and the way you bubble your lips when you’re happy. I love your curly hair, your bright blue eyes and your chubby little thighs. I love the way you play with my hair ALL THE TIME (thanks to you, my new–and only–hairstyle is a tight bun). I love the way you watch to learn, the way you imitate those around you, and the way you tolerate–even enjoy–your brother’s antics. You are a very special boy, Jacob, and I love you very much.

Happy first birthday to my sweet little son. May this be just the beginning of many wonderful years to come! Thank you for letting me be your mommy!

Love,
Mama

Note: If you enjoyed reading this post, check out my most recent letter to Jacob for his second birthday! Read the letter here.

We Love, Teach, Grow

My journey through motherhood

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