Our new house!

August 30, 2014August 30, 20142 Comments

After much deliberation we have made our California housing selection. And the winner is….

HOUSE #2: Los Gatos “Big House”!

We are thrilled to finally have a place to call home here in California. The house is amazing, we love our neighborhood, and we can’t wait to settle in!

Now that we have the lease signed and the keys in our pockets we can work on phase 2 of the move: coordinating 3 different shipments of household goods, setting up utilities, finding a preschool, and baking the neighbors cookies so we start off on the right foot.

Thanks for coming along on this journey with us! We are ready to accept visitors, so come on down, friends!

Until next time, here are some photos of the new place:

85 Things To Do In A Seattle Summer

August 20, 2014August 20, 20143 Comments

Well, folks, it’s actually happening: we’re finally moving to California! Tomorrow morning I’m boarding a plane with the boys and, two hours later, we’ll arrive in San Jose ready to begin this next adventure.

Before we leave Seattle, however, I thought I’d give you a little (and by little, I mean massive) recap of what we’ve been up to here for the last month. It has been a very busy, action-packed summer for us in Seattle (which, by the way, is literally the most amazing place to spend a summer. It’s true. I looked it up on Wikipedia). So, just in case any of you want to visit Seattle some time, here is a not-so-brief rundown of what you could look forward to doing while you’re in town:

1. Squirt water guns

2. Shop at Costco (interesting factoid: Costco was founded in 1983–the same year I was born–right here in Seattle) 3. Visit the house that you own but never seem to actually live in 4. Go for a waterfront walk and marvel at the majestic beauty of Mount Rainier in the distance 5. Make Trader Joe’s “Fudge”: Combine in a food processor one whole box of Trader Joe’s unsweetened cocoa powder, one whole jar of Trader Joe’s coconut oil and one whole tub of Trader Joe’s creamed honey. Spread the mixture in a pan and fridge it until hard. Try to stop yourself from consuming the entire pan in one sitting. 6. Make yourself a breakfast of scones and Barry’s tea to remind you of Ireland 7. Visit Northwest Trek to get up-close and personal with some Northwest-native wildlife 8. Be so busy that your kids literally take all of their naps in the car while you are driving between activities 9. Run around Greenlake 10. Go on a private tour at Starbucks headquarters with an insider, and be jealous of the employees who get to use the do-it-yourself espresso stations located on every floor 11. Meet up with your mommy friends and cuddle all of their new babies that have been born in the past year 12. Watch the Blue Angels doing practice flights over I-5 during Seafair Weekend 13. Build sandcastles at Alki Beach 14. Take in a stunning view of the Seattle skyline with your even more stunning sister 🙂 15. Take your dog for a walk at 9:00 PM and revel in the fact that there’s still another hour of daylight left. 16. Decorate your own 100% recycled organic fully biodegradable Seattle placemat 17. Refuse to look at the camera or smile for a photo with your 91-year old great grandmother 18. Complete your first engineering project with Daddy: an LED flashlight! 19. Play in your friends’ awesome backyard 20. BBQ every day 21. Eat Dairy Queen Blizzards (you may get the idea of a DQ Blizzard stuck in your head, and you may have to drive to 5 different locations in 2 different cities before you find one that is still open, but it will be worth it) 22. Light sparklers, and always remember: safety first 23. Watch The Sound of Music at an amphitheater and get misty eyed when Maria literally walks down a mountain signing “The hills are alive with the sound of music…” 24. Play with Grammy in your secret hideout 25. Swim in a river 26. Spend the weekend with your grandparents who live over the river and through the woods 27. Play at your favorite place in the world: McDonald’s 28. Make a “Countdown Caterpillar” to count down the days until you move to California (!) 29. Visit awesome fruit stands 30. Bake treats 31. Find a book of your mom’s childhood books and spend hours reading them together 32. Jump down sand dunes at Pacific Ocean beaches 33. Play mini golf 34. Fly a kite with your grandpa 35. Strip down to your skivvies so you can swim in a lake on a hot day 36. Try–and fail–to capture the “Super Moon” with your iPhone camera 37. Spend way too much time spent in Seattle traffic. Seriously, folks, this is a problem. 38. Meet up with some awesome moms for a workout in the park 39. Get wet at a splash pad 40. Eat a picnic 41. Buy an entire family of Potato Heads off Craigslist. Sit back and relax with a magazine while your children entertain themselves for the rest of the summer. 42. Husk fresh local corn and grill it up for dinner 43. Get a pedicure with your mom on her birthday (Happy birthday, Mom!) 44. Pose as a Giant Pacific Octopus 45. Go for a walk at Chambers Bay. Well, try to go for a walk at Chambers Bay, but get a flat tire on your stroller and spend your time on the playground instead (and vow to always bring a patch and a tire pump with you from this point forward)

Go to iconic Seattle restaurants and wait in ridiculously long lines at 46. Dicks 47. Ivar’s 48. Red Mill 49. Salumi 50. Ezell’s and 51. Paseo. Consider it time very well spent.
52. Spend a day in the park catching up with dear friends 53. Jump on rocks. Why not. 54. Tend to your backyard garden. Sit in the dirt and eat kale straight off the stalk. 55. Pick apples, eat apples, throw apples for your dog like they’re tennis balls. Apples, apples, apples. 56. Pick wild blackberries and 57. Bake blackberry slump 58. Play on millions of playgrounds 59. Go to a U-pick organic blueberry farm. Pick berries until your buckets or your tummies are full, whichever comes first.60. Hike to the bottom of Snoqualmie Falls61. Drive a tractor62. Go on an alpine hike to Lake Colchuck63. Use a loo with a view64. Watch “Frozen” with your grandma and 65. Make paper snowflakes (who cares if it’s the middle of August and 90 degrees outside!)65. Visit the Bavarian Village of Leavenworth. While you’re there 66. eat a bratwurst, 67. dance to the oompa-band playing on the stage in the center of town, 68. sip a brew in a beer garden (extra points if you wear lederhosen or a dirndl), and 69. rent a giant inner tube or an inflatable raft and float down the Icicle River70. Maintain a 27 year-old tradition and go out on a (belated) birthday date with your dad71. Jump on your friends’ trampoline

72. Get a Chinese Foot Massage (it will be the best 20 bucks you’ve ever spent, trust me.)73. Wander through a rose garden 74. Reconnect with your college roommate75. Spend a day meeting the animals at Woodland Park Zoo
76. FaceTime with Daddy every night because you all miss each other like crazy when you’re living two states apart77. Drive down to Longview so you can get 4 generations together for lunch at Grandma’s favorite restaurant in the whole wide world: Sizzler78. Run out of gas on I-5 (I wasn’t driving, so we’ll just chalk this one up to another adventure on the road) and 79. Call 911 for roadside assistance (according to Google, this is what you’re actually supposed to do). Get a recorded message that all lines are busy, so please try your call again later. 80. Call 911 again and get the same recorded message 81. Call 911 for a third time and get the same recorded message. 82. Call 911 for a fourth time and actually speak to a person. Be thankful you didn’t have a REAL emergency. 83. Read running magazines in the car while you wait for roadside assistance and pray that a passing semi truck doesn’t knock your car over. 84. Thank the nice Incidence Response man who comes and gives you free gas so you can drive to the next gas station.

85. Watch the sun set over Puget Sound
…and just soak it all in, because there really is no better place than Seattle in the summertime. To all of the people and places that made this month amazing, thank you.

Until next time, Seattle! XxX

DIY Custom Children’s Books

August 8, 2014Leave a comment

As a former classroom teacher, I know the power of reading with children. It is not a surprise, then, that reading is an important part of our daily routine. I’m always seeking out new reading material to keep my little guys engaged–something to keep the reading game fresh and interesting for them. Their favorite books, however, do not feature any characters you’ve ever heard of. They aren’t books about a cat in a hat or a mouse you take to school (although they love those ones, too). No, their favorite books feature their favorite people: themselves!

I started making storybooks for David when he was a baby. As I was sorting through the thousands of photos that we had of him up to that point, I came to the realization that most of those photos would never be seen by anyone. They would remain locked on my computer hard drive forever, never to be printed or put to any actual use. I happened to have a voucher that I needed to use for a photo book, and the idea for a customized storybook was born.

To make the storybooks, I just order a photo book online that I have customized with photos and text. For inspiration, I use other books or basic concepts to write out a story that goes along with the photos I have selected. It’s quite simple, and the books have already become family keepsakes.

Here are a few tips for getting started on making your own customized storybooks:

I make all of my books using online photobook services. Shop around for photo book deals. By looking for bargains I can usually get the price of a book down to about $10 with shipping included–that’s cheaper than just about any new children’s book you can find in a book store! Group discount sites like Groupon, Living Social, and Amazon Local offer up photo book vouchers quite regularly. Also try visiting the photo book sites directly as they often run promotions on their website or on through their subscription mailing lists (some of my favorites are Picaboo, Shutterfly, and Mixbook).
Try following a pattern that you find in another book your child enjoys. One of David’s favorite books I’ve made for him is called David’s Busy Day based on the book Lulu’s Busy Day by Caroline Uff.
If you really want to let your creative juices flow, make up a story adventure that features your child and some of their favorite things.
Older children can compose their own stories and you can work on the computer together to build their book. Make sure to include a dedication and an “About the Author” page!
You can also base your book on a concept that you want your child to practice: ABC’s, counting, opposites, rhyming words, feelings, animals, shapes, etc.
Instead of using photos, try using your child’s artwork as the illustrations (just scan or snap a photo of their drawing or painting and upload it onto your computer).
Make a special folder on your computer for photos that you think you might like to use in a book. Every time you download photos from your camera, add to the folder any new photos that you like and build it up over time.
Enjoy the process and the product–hopefully these books will become treasures that you can look back on for years to come!

From our family to yours: happy reading!

A Birthday Love Note To My Son

August 5, 2014Leave a comment

As a mother, I am the first woman who will love my sons. I want to love them well. I want to show them what true, genuine love looks like so they will recognize it when they are older. For now, though, they are still my babies. My babies who are growing and changing every single day. Last week, in fact, my youngest son celebrated his second birthday and I found myself wondering again, “Where does the time go?”.

Since before my boys were even born, I’ve been writing them love letters. Every year on their birthday I write them a special birthday letter to commemorate their special day. Last year I shared Jacob’s first birthday letter and now that another year has passed, it’s time to share birthday letter #2. Happy (belated) birthday, sweet Jacob: may all of your dreams come true!

A Love Letter To My Son On His Second Birthday

July 26, 2014
Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean
You are 2 years old!

Dearest Jacob,

Happy second birthday, Snuggle Bear! This has been one incredible year for you, for all of us. In fact, I think it would be safe to say that you have experienced more in your two short years than many people do in their entire lives! This has been a busy year for our family, to say the least. In fact, right now as I write this letter we are flying over the Atlantic Ocean toward our next adventure. Life never slows down, so I hope you enjoy every minute of it!

This year we were living in Cork, Ireland. We moved from Seattle all the way to Ireland just a few weeks before your your first birthday. I was just thinking about how you have had three birthdays now, and have woken up in a different country on each of your birthdays thus far (born in Seattle, first birthday in Ireland and today, your second birthday, started off in London). I don’t think we’ll be able to keep that trajectory up for much longer, but it is pretty interesting!

We had so many exciting adventures this year in Ireland that it’s hard to even remember them all. We visited castles and cliffs and beaches. We drove tractors and milked cows. We spent countless afternoons watching the animals at Fota Wildlife Park (the giraffes were always your favorite). We visited medieval towns and Viking villages and ancient landmarks. I know that you won’t remember any of this, but you did it and you were there and it was incredible. As you get older I will show you pictures and tell you stories about Ireland. I will remind you of the wonderful friends we had there and the beautiful places we visited together. And, even if my words become your only memories of that time in your life, Ireland will always be a part of your story.

While we were living in Ireland we seized the opportunity to travel through Europe. You were a trooper and a fantastic little traveller! In London you saw the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace and the massive Tower of London. In Paris, you went to the top of the Eiffel Tower and gazed into Mona Lisa’s eyes at the Louvre. In Spain you rode on camels and learned how to say “Hola! Adios!”. You saw the world this year, and travel will always be a part of your story.

And when we weren’t out traveling or “adventuring”, as I called it, we had our daily life. The life where we walked David to preschool in the morning and then went running on the trail by the water. The life where we went to the Farmer’s Market and drank hot chocolates. The life where Daddy would come home from work and give you wrestles and helicopter rides. The life where you loved reading books and playing with “colors” and chasing Bota through the back yard. The life where Day-Day was your friend and your mentor and your hero. The life where, in this one short year, you learned how to talk and walk and run and jump and climb and hit your brother back. It’s been a big year for growing and changing and learning. All that you have learned is now a part of your story.

And the story continues. We are traveling across the world again, right back to Seattle where it all began. We are spending a few weeks in Seattle visiting our family and our friends and our favorite places. Then we will move on to the next chapter of your story: California. I don’t know what this next year will bring us, but I’m just happy I get to spend it with you.

This year you have been to so many places, done so many things and experienced so many changes. And, despite all of the changes and crazy adventures we’ve taken you on, you have stayed the same: sweet, cuddly, attentive, curious, gentle. You have a magical way of brightening our days and calming our fears with your sweet smile and your snuggly hugs. I love you more than words can say, Jacob, and I am so glad that I get to be your mom. Happy second birthday, sweetheart, and may God bless you this year and always!

All My Love,
Mommy

Packing For A Desert Island

July 18, 2014July 18, 2014Leave a comment

Well, folks, it’s happening. I’m officially losing my mind. We are currently moving full speed ahead for The Big Move next week–that is, our second international move in 12 months…with two young children…and a dog…and more stuff than a family of four should legally be allowed to own. It’s no wonder, then, that packing all that STUFF has been at the forefront of my mind.

Last week I was contacted by Man Crates, an awesome new company that creates unique gift crates for men (I actually can’t stop drooling over their bacon crate–do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had proper bacon?). Man Crates had a challenge for me: If I could pack my own desert island survival kit, what would I bring? So, with all of my packing know-how and current expertise in stuff I decided to take them on. Here are the 5 items I would chose to save if (God forbid) the cargo ship carrying all of our worldly belongings sinks in the Atlantic and I happen to end up on an island with my lone surviving things:

1. Sunglasses
Let’s get one thing straight here. If I’m going to be stranded on an island, it’s going to be a sun-drenched tropical island. You know, one of those lush beauties with pristine white sand and crystal clear water straight out of The Beach. And for this, I must have my sunglasses.

2. Cake
Cake is the one essential food group that I can not, will not live without. The world is a better place because of cake. Yummmmmm….cake.

3. iPhone
How did we ever live before iPhones? I mean, really. This little device that costs a small fortune, fits in my pocket, and allows me to wast countless hours of my life. I would bring my iPhone to the desert island so I could post photos to Instagram of the beautiful sunsets on our beach and update Facebook with the details of our new island life. I would play Candy Crush with the waves lapping at my feet and maybe even download an app to help me find fresh drinking water on the island. If I got desperate enough I could text someone to come rescue us…but not until the cake runs out.

4. My Favorite Babysitter
I know that this is a bit unorthodox as a “thing”, but every parent knows that a good babysitter is indispensable. I debated whether or not I should leave the kids at home for this little escape to the desert island, but the truth is I kinda like them and I think this would be a great hands-on learning experience for them. You know, something they’ll look back on when they’re teenagers and say, “Wow, thanks for exposing me to the wonders of the world, Mom.” So, the kids are coming–but I’m bringing help. The babysitter will play with the kids while I nap under a palm tree, and then she’ll forage for fresh fruit and berries while our family goes on a nature hike. The best of both worlds, folks.

5. Running Shoes
I love to run. No, really, I do. Running allows me to explore new places, gain some energy, and de-stress. It also helps me burn off all the cake-calories. I’ll just make sure I install a reliable GPS app on my desert island iPhone before I leave for a run–wouldn’t want to get stranded or anything.

So, there you have it: five items that are essential to my existence. And, to be honest, this whole “stranded on a desert island” thing actually sounds pretty nice right now. I think I’m going to call the movers and just tell them Nah, I’ve got this. My iPhone and running shoes fit in my purse, so forget all the dishes and duvets and boxes of winter clothing. I’m moving to a desert island where I can lay in the sun all day eating cake.

Now I turn the question to you: What would be in your desert island survival kit?

8 Mom-Types I Love To Hate

July 2, 2014July 2, 20142 Comments

I’m pretty sure I will offend some women with this post, but here’s the fact: some of you moms just have it together a lot better than I do. I admit, “hate” is perhaps too strong of a word choice here…and I really don’t mean hate so much as I mean that I am extremely jealous of you and I want to know how you do it. So, if you fall into one of these categories, send me a private message when you get a chance and fill me in on your secret to success.

Mom #1: The All-Natural Organic Mom
You’re as crunchy as the as the organic flax-seed granola you make from scratch each week. You make your own laundry detergent and crochet your own cloth diapers. You scour farmer’s markets and local farm co-ops for organic kale to cook in new and unusual ways. I admire your efforts, but I just can’t relate. Confession: I have fed my children all 12 foods from the “dirty dozen” list…and they weren’t organic (GASP!). I’m sure my children will probably grow into strange mutants with three eyes or have the inability to become hipsters or some other atrocity. But that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Mom #2: The Mom With Good Sleepers
My children wake up before 6 AM every. Single. Day. It doesn’t matter what season it is, how much daylight there is, how many naps they have or have not taken, what time I put them to bed. No, they are just early risers. And while they will probably always catch the proverbial worm, I have succumbed to the fact that I will be a sleep-deprived zombie for the next decade or two. So please, please don’t tell me about your kids that sleep until 9:00 every day (unless it’s the weekend, of course, when they’re happy laying in bed until lunch time). If you do, I might just send my kids over to your house for a sleepover. Mwahahaha!

Mom #3: The Put-Together Mom
Your hair is done, your makeup is perfect, and your outfit is both in-season and in-style. This, to me, is as mystical an occurrence as walking out into the garage to find that a giant pumpkin carriage has replaced my car. I don’t get it. Seriously, I can not manage to get through most days with anything more than a ponytail and a pair of yoga pants. Kudos to you, though.

Mom #4: The Uber-Fit Mom
You wake up at 5:00 every morning BY CHOICE just so you can squeeze in a 2-hour workout before the kids are up. You run on your treadmill during nap time. You belong to two gyms and a running club on the weekends. You have biceps and tight glutes and ripped abs and other glorious things that I’m sure I would have if all of my skin would just move back into the right places. I’m getting tired just thinking about it. I think I’ll go take a nap.

Mom #5: The Not-A-Mom
Up until about four years ago I, too, was a not-a-mom. And, like you, I had all the answers. I knew the best-practices for child-rearing, I had read the research, and I was going to do this mom thing right. Then I actually had children. And I learned that real children do not necessarily follow best-practices or fall in line with the research. I am doing a lot of things differently from how I thought I would. And, Not-A-Mom, despite your snarky comments and snide looks I am doing this mom thing right. But don’t worry. Some day you’ll graduate from Not-A-Mom to Mom, and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about (then we’ll see who’s making the snarky comments!).

Mom #6: The Homeschool Mom
As a former teacher, I feel a bit guilty admitting this fact: I love dropping my son off at preschool. For four sublime hours each week, while he’s off learning about letters and numbers and butterflies, I get a pseudo-break. I am amazed, then, at mothers who homeschool. They choose to educate their offspring while at the same time also caring for younger siblings, managing the house, planning exciting educational outings and researching curriculum. You are the true heroes of the 21st century.

Mom #7: The Mom With Help Down The Road
You have a mother, a grandma, a sister or some other helpful person who loves you and your children–and they live in your neighborhood. If you need someone to watch the kids for a few minutes so you can run out to the grocery store or exercise by yourself or take a shower without an audience, you can just call your Help and they’ll be over in 5 minutes. I don’t have a Help in my neighborhood…or in my city…or in my zip code…or in my state…or in my country…or even on my continent. No, my nearest Help lives a 12-hour plane flight away. And that’s just too far of a commute for the benefit of me running some errands in peace.

Mom #8: The Pinterest Mom
Your home is overflowing with decoupaged wall art and Pottery Barn-inspired furniture. You cook new recipes for your family that include modern-day delicacies like Crockpot three-cheese enchiladas and chocolate-chip cookie brownie cake. Your kids’ teachers get the cutest gifts ever from your children. Your baby had the most amazing first birthday party and, three years later, everyone is still raving about it. Everything is in a mason jar. Atta girl, Pinterest Mom. You can pity my lack of creativity when you come over to my house and sit in my Ikea furniture and eat Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese for dinner with me and the kids. I don’t even own a mason jar. Sorry.

Try as I might, I will never be one of these moms. I admire you, I loathe you, I am amazed by you…and I am glad we are all on this motherhood journey together. Don’t forget to send me your pointers–I’ll be the one in the yoga pants, wandering the grocery store at 7 AM with two screaming children.

Frozen Frog Pond Activity

June 25, 2014June 25, 2014Leave a comment

Last week we had our first real week of summer. We had sunshine every day, which was both amazing and confusing to us. What do we do outside when it’s actually warm out? I think it reached 70 degrees one day and, having grown up in a rain cloud, my poor children thought they were dying from the heat. So, I came up with a simple game that would help keep us cool. I call it:

Frozen Frog Pond

What you need:
small containers (I used snack size Ziploc food containers)
plastic frogs (I got mine at the dollar store)
kiddie pool or a large plastic tub (although the bath tub would work just fine, too)

What you do:
1. Put a few frogs into each container and fill with water until the frogs are just covered. Freeze for 2 hours or until the frog-cubes are frozen solid.

2. Pop the frozen frog-cubes out of the containers

3. Put the frog-cubes into the pool. Challenge your kids to see who can set the frogs free from their icy prisons. Whoever gets the most frogs out of the ice wins!

That’s it! The boys had a lot of fun trying to get their frogs out of the ice and they certainly got cooled off in the process (Jacob kept muttering, “So cold…” as he fumbled with his ice cubes). Here are a few other ideas to extend the froggy play time:

– Gather sticks, leaves, and rocks and make homes for your froggy friends in their pond (this one probably wouldn’t work so well if you’re using your bath tub…)
-See how many pairs of the same frog you can find
-Order the frogs from smallest to largest
-Sort the frogs into color groups
-Have a leapfrog race
-Count the frogs or work out simple story problems using the frogs (“If I have 3 frogs in the pond and one jumps out, how many are still left in the water?”)
-Have a color race: Hold up a solid-colored frog, set a timer for 30 seconds, and see how many items your child can find that are the same color.

Stay cool, friends!

Daughter Promises

June 13, 2014Leave a comment

On Jon’s first Father’s Day, when I was still pregnant with our first baby, I gave him a book. The book was called Daddy Promises, and it is one of the most beautifully-written children’s books I have ever read. It is about all of the promises that dads make to their children, and how that connects to the promises that God the Father has made to us, His children.

The first time I read the book I cried, and I still cry tears of joy when I re-read it. I know that my husband is demonstrating God’s love to our boys through his forgiveness and grace and bedtime wrestles. He is an amazing dad–the best dad I could have picked for my kids. The other thing I think about when I read this book is my dad–the best dad I could have picked for me.

My dad is a rockstar father. He has loved me unconditionally, prayed for me unceasingly, and supported me through my most difficult times. I even remember one time that he drove up to my house, an hour away, one night just to be with me after I’d had particularly rough day at work. The time, the distance didn’t matter–he just wanted to be there for me. When I was in labor at the birth center, the hospital, wherever they took me–he was there, up all day…then all night…then all the next day in the cramped little waiting room, patiently waiting and praying for me and my baby. He is a model of Christ-like love, and he has lived out so many of God’s promises for me.

In honor of Father’s Day this weekend, I have a few promises of my own that I want to share with my dad–my daughter promises.

I promise to stay true to the path you have set me on. That even when I wander (and maybe do crazy things like pierce my belly button) I will remember the way you have taught me, so that “even when I am old I will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

I promise to walk in faith, and to trust the One who is leading me, even when you are not there.

I promise to live in the peace of Christ that you have taught me. That I will not let worry consume me or doubts take away my joy.

I promise to be persevere. I have always thought that our mutual perseverance (stubbornness?) is our best trait!

I promise to keep healthy and active. Otherwise I won’t be able to keep up with you when you’re running marathons in your 60’s and beyond.

I promise to maintain the magic of childhood for my kids, the same way you did for me. Right now I’m working on mastering the whole “pulling off my thumb” trick.

I promise to pray for you, just as you have always done for me.

I promise to teach my children proper anatomy, starting with the pectoralis.

I promise to love my boys the same way you love your girls: unconditional, unceasing, unrelenting parental love.

I promise to love you forever and always.

To all of the amazing dads out there, Happy Father’s Day! The world would not be the same without you.

How a Mom Actually Cooks Dinner

May 23, 2014May 23, 2014Leave a comment

Last night I decided to try a new recipe for dinner. When it comes to dinner–especially week-night dinners–I usually try to stick with the basics. Things that I’ve made a thousand times and could cook in my sleep (or in the zombie-like trance that is otherwise known as “motherhood”). I had found a new recipe that I really wanted to try, though, and I was feeling brave so I decided to give it a go.

The recipe in question this night was Sausage and Roasted Vegetable Penne. The recipe basically went like this:

Prep time: 15 minutes
Level of difficulty: Easy

Directions:
Step 1: Chop and roast vegetables
Step 2: Boil water and cook pasta
Step 3: Cook sausage
Step 4: Mix it all together and serve

It all seemed simple enough. 15 minutes. Four easy steps. I can do this. Even at the end of a long day with two tired children…how hard could it be? Famous last words…

Here is how a mom actually cooks dinner:

Prep time: 1 1/2 hours, give or take
Level of difficulty: Grueling

Directions:
Step 1: Wash your hands.
Step 2: Start chopping onions but stop halfway through to go change a diaper.
Step 3: Wash your hands.
Step 4: Start chopping bell peppers but stop halfway through to give the kids a snack.
Step 5: Start chopping zucchini but stop halfway through to deal with your distraught 3-year old who has discovered that some monster (you) threw away one of his broken McDonald’s toys.

Step 6: Toss vegetables with olive oil and a bit of salt and pepper. Place on a baking tray.
Step 7: Try to put the baking tray in your oven and realize that it’s too big and won’t fit. Transfer everything to a smaller tray. Total time elapsed thus far: 38 minutes.

Step 8: While the vegetables are roasting in the oven, put some water in a pot for the pasta. While the pot is filling, you get a phone call. You (stupidly) answer the phone and it’s a telemarketer who won’t hang up. Run back to the sink and dump half of the water out of your overflowing pot.
Step 9: Put the pot on to boil. Meanwhile, begin to cook sausage in a pan.
Step 10: Trip over the dog 5,000 times.
Step 11: Toss the vegetables and return them to the oven.
Step 12: Drag your toddler around the kitchen while he sits on your foot.

Step 13: Deglaze the sausage with a splash of white wine. Decide that’s a good idea and pour yourself a glass.

Step 14: Add pasta to the boiling water and cook to al dente.
Step 15: Discover that your children have moved all of their muddy balls from the backyard into your kitchen. Spend the next few minutes throwing muddy balls out the back door.

Step 16: Wash your hands.
Step 17: Remove vegetables from the oven.
Step 18: Read a story to your distraught toddler who, judging by his wails, thinks you have abandoned him for all eternity.

Step 19: Drain pasta, reserving some of the liquid for your sauce.
Step 20: Answer your 3-year old’s shouts that he’s “all done and needs a wipe” in the upstairs bathroom.
Step 21: Wash your hands.
Step 22: Eat some cheese.
Step 23: Combine pasta, sausage, and roasted veggies in a large pot. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and serve.
Step 24: Collapse exhausted in your seat at the dinner table and hope that somebody will actually eat the meal set before them instead of the usual “that’s gross” or throwing food across the room to the dog.
Step 24: Give yourself a pat on the back and a gold star. Dinner: accomplished.

Hooray! You did it! Now, go clean those dishes and get ready because you get to do it all over again tomorrow night. Actually, scratch that. Just look up the phone number for pizza delivery and save yourself the trouble. How hard could that be?

Fortunately I Know I Will Laugh About This Some Day

May 13, 2014May 13, 20143 Comments

There are many fears that we have as parents. Fears over safety, health, and our child’s general well-being. I would have to say, though, that one of my worst fears as a mom is over something that I encounter nearly every day of my life: that my child will have to go to the bathroom at an inconvenient time or place. Seriously. The panic that sets in when you hear the words “Mommy, I have to go“–and you know there’s nowhere to go–is unparalleled. This happens to me all. the. time. Somehow they just seem to know the single most inconvenient place to declare a need for relief and I somehow have to magically find a solution. As a matter of example, here is a brief excerpt from our trip to the park today:

Fortunately I had about an hour to kill this morning before we were meeting up with some friends for lunch, so I thought we would stop by a new park for some fun play time.

Unfortunately as soon as we pulled into the parking lot David grabbed his crotch and said he had to go potty.

Fortunately a woman in the parking lot told me there were toilets in a cafe in the park.

Unfortunately the cafe was about 1/4 mile away from the parking lot on the opposite side of the park.

Fortunately I’m a strong momma so I picked up my toddler and ran with David all the way across the park to the cafe.

Unfortunately the restrooms were for cafe customers only.

Fortunately I had a coin in my pocket, so I bought a fruit snack before we rushed into the bathroom to do our business.

Unfortunately we were not at the park to spend all day in the bathroom and a little cafe.

Fortunately there was a fantastic playground back on the other side of the park near the parking lot. The boys had a blast swinging and sliding and spinning and climbing.

Unfortunately our time in the playground eventually came to an end and we had to get ready to leave for our lunch.

Fortunately David said he didn’t have to go potty again before we left, so we started to walk out to our car.

Unfortunately he was lying.

Fortunately I knew where the bathroom was this time, and when he started doing his little potty dance I grabbed him by the hand and started leading him back across the park.

Unfortunately we only got halfway across the park toward the cafe toilets when David stopped in his tracks, looked up to me and said he didn’t have to go potty any more.

Fortunately the front of his pants were still dry.

Unfortunately, the back of his pants were quite brown and stinky.

Fortunately I had a change of clothes for him in the diaper bag that was back in our car.

Unfortunately, the car was now on the opposite side of the park again.

Fortunately I’m a strong momma and I was able to, for the third time this morning, run across the park while schlepping a flailing toddler in my arms and chasing a distracted preschooler all the way back to the car.

Unfortunately by the time we got back to the car to retrieve the diaper bag I really didn’t want to walk all the way back across the park to the cafe again.

Fortunately I spotted a public toilet right across from the playground.

Unfortunately it was one of those super-sketchy public toilets that is a single pod and you have to pay to go inside and then a metal door slides shut behind you and I’m pretty sure meth addicts hang out in them and they are always disgusting and smell like the inside of a sewage treatment plant.

Fortunately I’m a strong momma who’d already had been through enough crazy this morning that the sketchy public toilet didn’t bother me as much as it should have so we went in anyway.

Unfortunately it was just as disgusting as I’d imagined it would be and I had to cover the entire room with toilet paper before I would allow my children to step foot inside.

Fortunately David finished his business on the toilet instead of in his pants.

Unfortunately I’d used up all of our allotted toilet paper making a semi-sanitary environment for my children and there wasn’t enough left to clean up David (remember, it’s a sketchy pay-by-the-minute public toilet with a toilet paper allowance).

Fortunately I had baby wipes in the diaper bag. They did the trick.

Unfortunately while I was cleaning David up with the baby wipes Jacob saw the giant flashing red button that was right at his eye level: the SOS button. He pushed it. Sirens went off. Lights started flashing. The metal door that had been shielding us and our poop-covered selves from the rest of the decent world crashed open.

Fortunately David didn’t even notice that he was stark naked and covered in poop in the middle of a public park. We finished getting him cleaned up, dressed him in clean pants, and walked out of the toilet as if nothing had ever happened.

Unfortunately I lost the last bit of dignity that I had been holding onto since I was in labor with my babies.

Fortunately I’m still alive to tell you this story. I didn’t die of embarrassment or a heart attack or a staph infection from the disgusting public toilet. And in the end, I guess that’s all that really matters.

Unfortunately this is a true story.

Fortunately I know I will laugh about this some day.

The End

We Love, Teach, Grow

My journey through motherhood

Category: Kids and Parenting