10 Signs I’m Too Tired To Mom

11999062_10101459520865540_8476582905123875094_n

This week I read a hilarious post over at Scary Mommy called 20 Signs I’m Too Tired To Mom (disclaimer: the linked post contains language a shade more colorful than my own). Before I even read the article I was giving mental high-fives to the author because…amen, sister. I felt like I could write my own “Signs I’m Too Tired To Mom”. So I did.

With the joys of summer (full-time kids is intense) and a husband who is working on an increasingly more demanding project at work and an infant and a dog who has both a broken tooth and a Urniary Tract Infection (Lord help us all), I’m finding that I, too, am tired. Not like *yawn* “I’m sleepy, let’s go take a nap” tired. More like “just wake me up when they’re teenagers and ready to do their own laundry and cook their own dinner” tired.

And here’s the proof:

  1. Story time under false pretenses
    Let’s read a book, kids! Oh, wait…what’s that? There’s a movie version of that exact book (or at least a movie in a similar genre/theme/category as said book)? And it’s available on Netflix? Hold up, this is real world learning. Text-to-film connection or something. Let’s start the streaming (and excuse me for the next 74 minutes while I lock myself in my bedroom…)
  2. I encourage “independence”
    Yes, you can make your own breakfast (a spoonful of peanut butter topped with chocolate chips). Yes, please dress yourselves (no underwear, backward pants, inside out shirt). Yes, you may play quietly in your own room (dump out every toy box and empty every game box into a mountain of toy shrapnel in the center of the room). You’re on your own, kids.
  3. I can’t find my sunglasses
    They aren’t in the car. They aren’t in my bag. They aren’t in any place where a reasonable human being would put them. I blame the kids and/or dog for hiding them and while I contemplate appropriate punishment I happen to walk by a mirror. And then I find them. On top of my own head.
  4. Time warp
    Dinner is served at 4:30 and we’re wrapping up the bedtime routine by 6. What’s that you say, dear children? Why is it still light outside? Because of the tilt of the Earth… and the end of Mommy’s rope has officially been reached. Goodnight.
  5. Cooking takes on new meanings
    If I have warmed something up–whether by oven, stove, or microwave–that counts as cooking. Actually taking raw ingredients and transforming them into edible fare is a totally different ballgame, and we just don’t go there now. Frozen chicken nuggets? Not anymore–I cooked them (at 425 for 9-11 minutes). Marie Callender’s chicken pot pie? Tastes just like homemade (vent the packaging and microwave for 5-7 minutes).
  6. Nightly routines
    …now consist of tucking in the kids and promptly passing out on the couch with a bowl of popcorn on my lap.
  7. I go to the gym
    …but not to work out. They had me at “90 minutes of free childcare”.

4. I lose track of things. Like counting in order.

9. Bath time
My kids love bath time, and they’re happy to stay in the tub for a good 20 minutes.                That’s the time equivalent of 16 games of Chutes and Ladders. Added bonus: bath                  time = contained children, contained children = contained mess. Added, added                        bonus: they come out smelling better than they did going in. Win, win, win.

10. Early riser
This is counter-intuitive, but waking up early actually helps me counter-balance the            perpetual tiredness. You see, I know that once the wee ones awaken, there’s no                      stopping this train wreck. So I’ve started setting an alarm and waking up before                      everyone else in the house (and, as it happens, before the sun itself makes                                an appearance) just so I can have 2 minutes of peace before the crazy begins. If that’s            not absolutely insane, I don’t know what is.

I could keep going on and on and on…but I’m just too tired to keep writing. Good luck, moms, and good night.

10 Confessions of a Homeschool Mom

IMG_7541

This year we embarked on one of our most monumental adventures to date: homeschool. Many aspects of our daily life have changed, and almost every area of our family life has been impacted in one way or another by this decision. It’s been a huge adjustment for our family–and by family, I mean ME. Because ME had to give up solo runs while the boys were at preschool. Because ME had to re-learn how to take kids to the grocery store. Because ME had to spend time on the weekends planning for the week ahead. Because ME had to change.

Homeschooling these last few months has been a learning curve and a glimpse into a new world for me. I’d always wondered a bit about those crazy women who decided to educate their own kids–how on EARTH did they do it? And WHY on earth would they do it? Now that I’m (proudly) one of those crazy homeschool moms, I have a few observations to share with you. While these observations stem from my own very limited experience, I know many other homeschool moms who would agree with me on these points.

I now present to you: 10 confessions of a homeschool mom

1. Every family homeschools for a different reason
The reasons why a family chooses to homeschool are as varied as the families themselves. Some families homeschool for academic reasons, some for religious reasons, some for flexibility in their schedule, and some for behavioral/social reasons. Our decision to homeschool this year was based upon a bit of each of these.

I wanted David (who started this school year as an almost-5 year old) to have one more year in a less-structured, less-academic learning environment. David is a very active boy and I wanted him to have freedom to move and learn by doing–and have lots of time each day for play and exploration. I wanted him to have a Christ-centered education and to study the Bible. I wanted to be able to take random vacations and take time off school when we had visitors in town. I wanted the ability to adjust his school schedule to meet our family’s needs (Jon’s job requires lots of late nights, so starting the traditional school day at 8:00 every morning would require an early bedtime, and thus missed opportunities to spend time with Dad every day).

2. You do not have to be a teacher to teach
I have a background in teaching and spent my pre-motherhood years teaching in both public and private schools. While this may seem like an advantage for homeschooling, it’s actually been a bit of a detriment. I’ve spent most of the last few months un-learning many of the methods and approaches I used to employ in the classroom. Homeschool is a different kind of school, and it requires a different approach. As it turns out, love and commitment to your child’s learning is the most important “credential” for a homeschool teacher. This sums it up pretty well:

a1c5312b749b70ebda50afb24331e586

3. Homeschool days are short and sweet
In a traditional school there is a lot of busy work and transition time–that’s just what happens when you have to pace 20 children throughout the day. At home, however, you can just do what you need to do for your kids and be done with it. We usually spend about 1.5-3 hours per day “doing school”. That’s it. This frees up lots of time to pursue other interests each day, which I love.

4. Homeschool can be both highly social AND incredibly isolating
…and most days it is both. Between homeschool co-ops, field trips, park days, church activities, clubs, and sports many homeschoolers spend the majority of their time “socializing” with the outside world. On the other hand, much of your time as a homeschooler is still spent at home “doing school” with the same people you eat, sleep, and breathe with the rest of your life. There are times where I feel like I just need some downtime at home to get a break from all the activities…and there are other times where I feel an undeniable urge to get out of the house and be with people (People who are not my kids. Specifically, grown ups.).

5. Homeschoolers know they are different
While homeschooling is the fastest-growing form of education in America, it is still not the most common choice. When I tell people that we’re homeschooling I get a lot of mixed reactions. Many people are supportive of our choice, but others are confused by it or disapprove altogether. When we are out in public during “school time” I am often thankful that my kids are still young enough to not get too many quizzical stares or questions from bystanders wondering what they’re doing out of a classroom–and I wonder what it’s like for homeschooling moms with older kids or teens who are out and about during the day. We know that we are different, and we kind of like it that way!

6. You are not in this alone
One of the things I was most concerned about when we decided to homeschool this year was that I would be all alone trying to figure this whole homeschool thing out. Not the case. Not at all. There are vast support networks for homeschool families and seemingly limitless resources. I have found a great community of homeschool families that have walked alongside me and encouraged me this year. I have felt many things during my first year of homeschooling, but solo has not been one of them.

7. Some of the greatest benefits of homeschooling have nothing to do with school
As I mentioned earlier, we had many different reasons for homeschooling this year. What I didn’t anticipate, however, were some of the positive by-products of our decision. For instance, this year I have seen my boys’ sibling relationship grow closer as they have been learning and collaborating together. Our family has been more relaxed without rushed mornings or curricular commitments. We play together every day. We spend lots of time outside. We can wear super-hero costumes or our pajamas all day (Let’s be honest–I’m 8-months pregnant and I hardly ever wear not-pajamas any more. It’s a win-win.).

8. Homeschool moms need a break, too
There is no shame in driving to the gym just so you can take advantage of the free childcare. Catching up on Facebook while you mosey along a treadmill is totally legit, right?

9. Homeschool is not for everyone
Just because I have made the decision to homeschool, I do not look down on other people for making different education choices. There are huge advantages to other forms of education, and I truly believe that each family needs to do what is right for them and their kids. I never thought I would homeschool because I didn’t think it would ever be the right choice for us, yet here we are. Each child and each parent and each season in a family’s life is unique. Just as traditional school was not the right approach for us this year, homeschool may not be the right approach for your family this year (or ever!). I’m cool with that.

10. Sometimes homeschool moms want to quit
Being with your own kids 24/7–and trying to get them to learn something every day–is exhausting. There is endless work, there are defiant children (who sometimes just don’t want to learn), there are sibling spats to work through, there are household chores that still need to be done…and it’s enough to make us want to give up. Every single homeschool mom I know has days when she wants to quit. But you know what? Those days are balanced out by a thousand other days where we feel accomplished and proud and awed by the whole experience. And that’s really the whole reason we’re doing this in the first place.

My first year as a homeschool mom has been a crazy, incredible journey and I’m so thankful to be on it with my kids. It’s been a growing experience for all of us, in the best way possible. I don’t know how long we’ll be on this journey together, so I’m trying to embrace it for what it is and enjoy the time we have here–however long that will be!

And now that you know all of my secrets, give me a hug next time you see me–or at least a firm reprimand to get out of my pajamas before noon.

 

10 Things A Pregnant Lady Should Never Do

Next week I’ll be entering my third trimester (for the third time), which means I’m just reaching that awkward point of pregnancy where I start to feel very…PREGNANT. I am reminded daily of how very pregnant I am becoming as my body goes through these beautiful, often-problematic changes. Seeing as this is my third go at the whole awkward/uncomfortable/ridiculous stage of pregnancy, I’ve learned a few tricks for keeping my head up and surviving to the end. Pay attention now, because these are actual words of wisdom.

I now present: 10 Things A Pregnant Lady Should Never Do

  1. Step on a scale
    Your prenatal doctor will compel you to do this painful task at each visit, but just do yourself a favor and don’t make eye contact with the numbers on that dreadful machine. And, by all means, don’t you dare step on a scale in your free time. I have made this mistake before and, trust me, your scale will be broken. There’s simply no other explanation for the gargantuan numbers it will spew at you.
  2. Look at your naked self in a mirror
    Perhaps this is related to #1, but seriously. Don’t. Especially your backside. Just let your husband gush about how glowingly beautiful your preggo little self is, and leave it at that.
  3. Cough/sneeze/laugh
    Because you’ll pee your pants. There, I said it.
  4. Watch A Baby Story on TLC
    Or Johnson & Johnson baby ads. Or commercial featuring Sarah McLachlan (dang you, homeless animals). If you watch these emotionally-driven, hormone-inducing programs you will find yourself in a sobbing mess quicker than you can waddle to the bathroom for a box of tissues.
  5. Go shopping without a plan and a budget
    Because chances are, if you do, you’ll come home with at least a dozen new baby doo-dads that you just couldn’t resist.
  6. Shave your legs
    Unless you’re an acrobat or have monkey arms, it’s just not even worth trying.
  7. Go out for the night with non-preggos
    Because they’ll want to do all the things you can’t do: drink adult beverages, stay up late, and dance without peeing themselves.
  8. Make easily accessible: chocolate/cheeseburgers/Taco Bell tacos/pickles/ice cream/Lucky Charms/(other pregnancy craving)
    Every pregnant lady has that one (or two or three or thirty) thing(s) they just can’t get enough of. Whatever your craving-poison may be, just try to pace yourself. Maybe even make a game of it.  For instance, have your husband hide the chocolate bars and then go on a treasure hunt. I’m sure you’d burn at least 100 calories trying to find them. Exercise + chocolate treat = pregnancy win
  9. Try to wear those super-cute, super-expensive shoes you bought pre-pregnancy
    Because they won’t fit. Chances are, your feet have already grown a full size or two and trying to squeeze into those shoes will just make you feel like one of Cinderella’s step sisters. Call it like it is and invest in some nice Birkenstocks and wool socks.
  10. Leave your home without knowing the quickest route to the nearest bathroom
    You will need to pee approximately once every 5 minutes, so be diligent in your toilet-locating skills.

Now that you know what NOT to do, here is one thing you CAN do: relish your pregnancy and bask in the glory of your belly–savor the comfort of your stretchy pants and indulge in your free pass with junk food. After all, if pregnancy can’t be glamorous, at least it can be fabulous.

Parenting Advice I Wish People Had Actually Given Me

Birth and Coming Home 532Here’s the thing: everyone knows more about parenting than I do. Actually, I think everyone knows more about parenting than anyone else knows about parenting. Which is why there’s so much parenting advice available on the market. It runs the gamut from old wives tales to bogus “facts” (mostly gleaned from internet mommy forums) that will go out the window with the rest of them when the next parenting fad comes into vogue.

The truth is, though, there’s not a lot of advice out there that can hold it’s ground in the real world. I mean, the nitty-gritty tantrum-throwing mess-making real world that includes life with actual children. There were lots of parenting truths that I wish someone would have told me when I started this whole mommy thing a few years ago. Truths like:

1. If you have to do something real quick, like fix your hair or make a phone call, and you think to yourself, “Ah, I’ll just leave the kids out here while I take care of that. I’ll only be 5 minutes. How much trouble could they get into in 5 minutes?”…well, just banish those thoughts from your sweet little head. Because the answer to “How much trouble could they get into…” is FAR MORE TROUBLE THAN YOUR 5 MINUTES OF PEACE ARE WORTH. For instance, they may take an entire tube of blue toothpaste and smear it all over your new couch. Or they may empty all of the drawers out of your kitchen cabinet, stack them in front of the snack closet, and climb up to your candy stash. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

2. You can use a whiteboard marker to remove permanent marker from a whiteboard, and you can use rubbing alcohol to remove whiteboard marker from your walls without removing the paint. Just tuck this one away for the time when your little Picasso goes a bit overboard–it’s already saved my buns on more than one occasion.

3. No matter how kid-friendly your cooking is, no matter how cleverly you work at disguising vegetables, no matter how much love and care you put into the food you prepare–90% of it will end up on the walls or the dog. Even if it’s organic.

4. After you bear children, you will leak out of seemingly every orifice in your body. And, no, it won’t stop after your initial 6-week “postpartum period” expires. Plan accordingly

5. Kids get sick. All the dang time, kids get sick. No matter how often you wash their grimy little hands, whether you are pro-vaccines or anti-vax, if you see a pediatrician or a shaman–it doesn’t matter: your kid will get sick. Just save yourself some grief: stock up on Emergen-C and perfect your recipe for chicken soup. Also, buy one of those disgusting-yet-gratifying baby nasal aspirators.

6. The stage you are in now IS the easy stage. Things don’t magically become simpler when your child gets older and moves on to the next stage. When they can feed themselves, it gets harder (and messier). When they transition out of diapers, it gets harder (and messier). When they LEAVE YOU and spend half a day at preschool, it gets harder (and your mascara gets messier). I can’t even think about what comes next, because I know how much harder and messier it will be. The takeaway: enjoy this moment while you have it.

7. If your child has a lovey (you know, that blanket or stuffed animal or pacifier that they CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT) run out to the store (seriously: RUN. Do not wait too long or your loveys may be out of stock or, worse yet, DISCONTINUED) and buy duplicate loveys. Like, 10 or 20 duplicates might be enough. Stash them in your car, the grandparents’ houses, under your bed, in your earthquake emergency kit, your underwear drawer–whatever. Just get a ton of those things and make sure you never ever EVER lose the only lovey your child has. Just don’t.

8. Forget saving up for your kids’ college funds. Start saving up for preschool as soon as you feel your biological clock start ticking. I mean, seriously, $$fj$$kl;ajdks$$…

9. At some point, you WILL touch poop with your bare hand. When the inevitable happens: be brave, finish what has to be finished, then disinfect All The Stuff like it’s going out of business.

10. Don’t listen to other people. Listen up, now, this is important: You know your child better than anyone else in the whole world. You know them better than that doctor, better than the other moms at playgroup, better than the well-meaning granny at the grocery store, better than the mommy bloggers (but do keep reading, I’m almost done here). You are THE expert in your child. So if something feels right to you, or doesn’t feel right for you– or if something works for you, or doesn’t work for you–then do what your gut and intuition and keen knowledge tell you to do. YOU know your child better than anyone else, and that counts for a lot.

Power on, parents, power on.

XxX Allison

The Important Thing About My Son

There is this boy.
He’s loud and silly.
He has an incredible memory.
He is a ball of infectious energy.
He’s usually vaguely sticky and covered in dirt.
He dreams about attacking gummy bears that he fends off with nun-chucks.
He’s feisty and passionate.
He’s strong and fearless.
His name is David. He is my boy, my baby, my son.

When I look at David, this is what I see. I am his mama, and I love him deeply. He is truly unique and wonderfully made. He doesn’t fit a mold, and I kind of like that. And it kind of makes me crazy.

This year has been–how shall I put this–challenging.  Throughout the course of this year it has become apparent that David learns differently from many of his peers. A lot of what we’d always done just wasn’t working any more, and it’s been frustrating. Preschool has been difficult. Our little Bible study group has been difficult. Discipline has been difficult. Even so-much-fun T-Ball has been difficult. We have shared our concerns with his teachers and specialists. And it’s all got me doubting. Doubting every decision I’ve made in the past that has led us to this place, and questioning every decision I’ve already made for our future.

The fact is, David has been weighing heavy on my heart lately. Sometimes (most of the time) I just don’t know what to do. So I pray, and cry, and pray, and laugh, and try something new, and pray again. And you know what? Something miraculous is happening.

God is changing our hearts.

He is changing my heart to be more compassionate about the struggles David is facing. He is changing my heart to embrace the person who David is, not who I want or expect him to be. He is changing my heart to accept that I may need to give up some of my own comfort to help David succeed. He is changing my heart to be more like His.

He is changing David’s heart to be more attentive to Him. To listen. To ask questions. To pray to Him. To tell others about Him. To love Him. He is changing David’s heart to be more like His.

A couple of weeks ago we were doing a family Bible study leading up to Easter. We were talking about the significance of the cross, and David was really excited about the story. He was attentive and asking heartfelt questions, and we could tell that things were starting to click for him. At the end of our time together, Jon asked David if he would like to pray and ask Jesus to come into his heart. David said yes–and in his sweet 4-year old boy voice, he asked Jesus to be his forever friend.

In that moment, I knew that the only specialist who actually matters is the One who created him. The One who intimately knows his heart and mind and soul. The One who knows David’s past, his current struggles, and the man he will some day become. The One who knit him together in my womb, who loves him deepest, and whose beautiful thoughts about David outnumber all the grains of sand in all the earth (Psalm 139). And suddenly all of the doubts and fears and confusion I’d had melted away and were replaced by joy. 

There will be challenging days, and challenging phases and challenging seasons in this adventure called parenting. But in the scheme of things, none of the challenges really matter. No matter how difficult things might get, no matter how tightly I’m grasping the end of my rope, only one thing really has lasting significance: Who is my son in Christ? Who am I in Christ? The answers to those questions change everything. We–my son, myself, and the collective whole of humanity–have been saved by grace, and the assurance of that truth never fades.

So, yes.
My son is loud and silly.
My son has an incredible memory.
My son is a ball of infectious energy.
My son is usually vaguely sticky and covered in dirt.
My son dreams about attacking gummy bears that he fends off with nun-chucks.
My son is feisty and passionate.
My son is strong and fearless.
My son has challenges.
But the important thing about my son is that he loves Jesus.

He is my son and I am his imperfect mother, but we are both secure in our Father’s hands.

And nothing will ever change that.

IMG_3027

How We Do Allowance: The 4-Year Old Version

IMG_2238

Money: we all need it, we all want it. But when is the right time to introduce kids to money? I think the answer to that question varies from family to family and kid to kid but, generally speaking, early is best. From a very young age kids can understand wants and needs, and money is the mechanism by which we acquire our wants and needs.

A few months ago it became quite clear to us that David was ready to start learning about money and the responsibility that comes with it. For Christmas this year, David had created a wish list of all the toys and games and books and doo-dads that he wanted. Well, Christmas came and went, but the wish list kept growing. Every day–nay, every minute of every day–he was begging us to add more items to his “wish list”. The want, want, wants were getting out of control. We knew that it was time for an intervention, and the Allowance Jars were born.

Since he is only 4 years old, we wanted David’s allowance to be pretty simple. We had three main goals with his allowance: to start teaching him the value of money, to encourage him to save some of his “income”, and to be generous with his “assets”. As a result, we decided to set up three jars, one for each goal: spend, save, and serve.

To make the jars, I just cut slits in the tops of three mason jars. Then I printed off the labels spend, save, and serve, and I glued one label to the front of each jar. Each week we give David three quarters, one quarter for each jar, as his allowance. He puts the money into the jars himself so that he is learning the responsibility of tracking where his money goes.

IMG_2237

He is allowed to use the money in the spend jar whenever he chooses (usually a gumball from a vending machine or a trinket from the dollar store). This money never lasts long, but that’s fine! He’s learning what he can buy with his money and, as an added bonus, it’s cut down a lot on the gimme’s when we’re in a store (I just remind him that he can use his own money to buy that bright blue lollipop in the checkout line). I’ve also taken David on a couple of special outings with me specifically so he can go shopping with his money–he feels so grown up when he places his goody up on the check stand and pays for it all by himself!

IMG_2290

With the save jar, he is working toward a spending goal. We came up with a goal together of something more expensive that he really wanted (a Zurg action figure). We researched the cost of his goal purchase then printed off a picture of the toy to put on the jar as a visual reminder of what he is saving up for. He still has a long way to go, but I’m sure with grandparents visiting soon he’ll reach his goal in no time at all 😉

IMG_2344

The serve jar is my favorite. Right now we have him bring the contents of that jar with us to church each week so he can put his money in the offering basket. As we’re packing up his coin to bring to church he always exclaims, “That’s the money I get to give to Jesus! That’s God’s money!”. As David gets older we’ll probably work with him to come up with more ways to use his “serve” money to be generous and help others, but for now he’s grasping a simple and wonderful truth.

So, there you have it! Easy-peasy allowance that even a 4-year old (and their parents) can handle.

X

20 Things Little Boys Do

boynoisewithdirtblueSo, I grew up in a family of all girls (my dad is a saint). My childhood was all pink and ballet-y and sweet. Nothing could have prepared me, then, for my current situation. The tables have turned, and now I find myself the mother of boys (thank goodness at least the dog is on my team).

Before my sons were born, I was either naive or ignorant or blind. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I now stand corrected. You see, little boys are not just a variance on little girls–they are a totally different creature. My boys do things every day that literally stop me in my tracks and say, “Huh….?”.

To illustrate my point, here is a sampling of 20 things little boys do:

1. Think they can fly–It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…DAVID, GET OFF THAT ROOF RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!!

2. Throw All The Stuff–balls, rocks, toys, their shoes, feces (sorry, but if that one got to you, you may want to stop reading this post right now).

3. Despise shoes. And pants.–A home with little boys is basically a tiny nudist colony.

4. Urinate in inappropriate places–Forget “missing the toilet” (which they will do without fail every time they pee, by the way). Just wait until you see the very unusual and, sometimes, shocking, public places they choose to drop their pants. I have photographic evidence of the horrendous places my son has chosen to relieve himself. I would share the photos here, but I’m saving them for blackmail when he’s a teenager.

5. Make it their personal mission to destroy All The Stuff–Have something you like? Yeah? Really? Well, if you have a little boy, you might as well kiss it goodbye right now. It will just make the future destruction more bearable.

6. Shred to pieces every pair of pants they own–Since they’re never actually wearing pants, I don’t know how it’s possible for them to wear holes and tears into every pair they own.

7. Lick All The Stuff–I mostly just try to ignore it because my stomach just can’t handle the truth.

8. Be fascinated with their own male anatomy–It starts young, folks.

9. Relate to their favorite super hero on a deeply personal level–They will literally think they are Superman/Batman/Spider Man/The Hulk/Wolverine/Captain America/Luke Skywalker/Buzz Lightyear.

10. Turn All The Stuff into guns/lasers/shooters/swords/canons/projectile-spewing objects–This is not taught, it is ingrained in their psyche.

11. Produce a disproportionate level of noise for the size of their body–My ears hurt too much to comment on this one.

12. Eat All The Stuff–SERIOUSLY.

13. Sleep in unusual places–Beds are for wusses.

14. Put All The Stuff in their pockets–I could start a small (but growing) art gallery with the collection I have removed from pockets on laundry day. Perhaps I’ll donate our gallery to the Guggenheim some day.

15. Fall down randomly like they’re fainting goats or something–Running, running, running, DOWN.

16. Think you are ACTUALLY CUTTING OFF THEIR FINGERS every time you trim their fingernails. Every. Single. Time.

17. Think their own bodily functions are hilarious–Nothing in God’s green earth can produce as much joy in a boy’s heart as the sound of a burp or a fart.

18. Spend hours enthralled by nothing but a pile of sticks and rocks–Oooh! Can we break them? Can we throw them? Can we eat them? Can we stuff them all in our pockets?

19. Injure themselves incessantly–see #1 and #15. And make sure you know the fastest route to the E.R. from your home, your son’s school, and your son’s favorite parks.

20. Think their mommy is a princess/The Queen/their wife–You can now disregard #’s 1-19, because this is the truth. If you are the mother of a little boy he will absolutely adore you. He will think you are royalty. He will guard and protect you as if his own little life depended on it. His cuddles will melt your heart anew every single day, and you will know that you are the luckiest person in the world. The luckiest, happiest, most exhausted person in the world–because you are the mother of a little boy.

IMG_1127

 

Love You Forever

I heard this saying recently, and it has really resonated with me: The days are long, but the years are short. As a mother of two young boys, my days are always long. Not in the sense that I get bored and have nothing to do–I don’t think any mom would claim that lie–but long in the sense that it is just one thing after another and never a moment to just breathe and soak it all in. But, at the same time, I look back at even a few months ago and I get nostalgic at how much my kids have grown and changed. The days are long, but the years are short.

Today I was having one of those “long” days. David was throwing an unbelievable temper tantrum over my refusal to let him accompany me outside in the freezing wind to scrub dog poop off of my shoe. I know, I’m a terrible mother. And when I came inside from my 3 minute foray with a scrub brush, his room suddenly looked like this:

IMG_4394

The screaming and the crying and the throwing of things was starting to make my blood boil. I could tell that we both needed to just calm down a bit, so after the screaming and the crying and the throwing of things subsided I invited David to cuddle up on his bed with me so we could read a story together. This is the book he chose:

IMG_5607

I’ve read this book probably a thousand times and yet, somehow, it still makes me cry every time I read it. I usually can make it until the last page before the tears start, but today was different. Maybe it was because Jacob’s been giving me the good ‘ol wakeup call at 5:00 every day for the past 2 weeks, or maybe it was just because I was emotionally spent from David’s last tantrum. For whatever reason, though, I opened the book and just started crying (confirming David’s suspicion that I really am a nut job).

You see, the book starts with this mother. She’s so in love with her baby boy. Every night she rocks him to sleep and as she does she sings, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” Sob.

IMG_5616

Then her boy grows. He gets into mischief and causes her grief (sound familiar?). But still, every night, she sneaks into her room and sings the same love song to her bigger boy.

IMG_5613

And that really got the waterworks going, because it so reminds me of my bigger boy:

IMG_5568

David insists on falling asleep with his bedroom light on so he can read books until he passes out. And every night I sneak into his room, pry the books out of his limp hands, cover him up, and kiss his sweet, peaceful face (I also usually snap a photo because he’s just so dang cute when he’s sleeping).

IMG_4353

Well, the book continues with the boy growing and changing and becoming a man–and still, the mother sneaks into his room at night and sings him her love song.

Then one day the mother is too old and frail to sing to her son any more. So instead, he holds his mother and sings the same love song to her. Gulp.

IMG_5614

And the story ends with the son returning home to his brand new baby girl, to whom he sings, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.”

IMG_5615

Yes, indeed: The days are long, but the years are short.

When the story was over, David snuggled up to me and said, “I love you, Mommy.”

I love you, too, David.

I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

First Day of Preschool (!)

Backpacks, still-pointy crayons, new shoes…ahhhh…back to school. Or, in our case, to school for the very first time. Yesterday was David’s first-ever day of preschool.  As a mom and a former teacher, I was VERY excited for this day to come. I love learning and, to be honest, I am really looking forward to having 2 mornings a week alone with Jacob (who still takes a morning nap…hehe…).

I was really hoping David would enjoy his first day of school because, let’s face it, he will probably be spending the next 20-25 years in school. I was also really hoping he wouldn’t poop his pants at school (we had an interesting weekend with potty training…). In the end, though, I just had to pray things would go well and send him off to spread his little wings.

Here he is getting ready to leave for school in the morning. He was pretty excited to walk to school and “see the pink ball” (a ball that was hidden on the top shelf in his classroom when we went by a few weeks ago for a tour). I’m sure he was also excited to meet his teachers and new friends and learn all that the world has to offer.

IMG_3524

David’s school is about a 10 minute walk from our house, so we loaded up the stroller and leashed up the dog for our great exodus to The Preschool.

IMG_3527

When we got to The Preschool, there was a definite buzz in the air. Parents and children were milling around outside the school waiting to be granted entry to this magical new land of learning. The Parents were busy snapping photos and The Students were busy trying not to topple over from the size of their ill-proportioned backpacks.

IMG_3538

After a few minutes of waiting, The Teacher opened the front door and welcomed her brood (about thirty 3-year olds…I’ll be praying for her). David hung his backpack on his hook, put his shoes on a shoe rack, and put on his slippers (you know it’s going to be a great day when it starts with putting on slippers).

IMG_3541

We stayed with David for a few minutes while he explored the classroom and checked out all of the cool Montessori supplies. His favorites were some pictures of balls on the wall (of course) and some scissors for cutting.

IMG_3543

While David was at school, the “toy fairies” came to our house and delivered all of his balls from Seattle (along with about 90 boxes of other goodies for Mommy and Daddy to sort through):

IMG_3546

At pick-up time I returned to The Preschool and waited for my little student to be released. It was a bit strange being on the other side of that school door, being the parent instead of the teacher. As soon as David saw me through the window he was literally jumping up and down he was so excited. When it was his turn to come outside, his teacher shook his hand and said goodbye to him in Irish. Then David ran to me and gave me the biggest hug ever–my baby, my big boy, my preschooler.

David’s school day goes from 8:45-12:15, so when I picked him up from school it was time for lunch. Since our house was littered with boxes and moving supplies at this point, I decided that a celebratory McDonald’s lunch was in order. On our way to McDonald’s David kept saying, “Stop, Mommy! I want to go back to school!”. I couldn’t get a single thing out of him as to what he did at school all morning, but the paint on his elbows leads me to believe there was some sort of art-making. In all, though, he seemed to have a lot of fun and he can’t wait to go back again next week.

This mommy-teacher is very proud of her BIG preschooler. A preschooler who is brave and adventurous and smart and kind and funny. A preschooler who is learning to be the man he will one day become.

A preschooler who, I am happy to report, came home with the same dry pants I sent him to school in.

A Mother’s Job Description

California - 0020

I have two sweet boys, ages 2 and 9 months, who are (almost) my whole world. I love them like nothing else and being a mom is the most crazy-awesome job I’ve ever had. And by crazy-awesome, I mean that it’s both crazy and awesome. Motherhood is the best “job” I’ve ever had and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In honor of Mother’s Day this weekend I thought I would put out a little job description here for any of you who may be interested in taking on this role yourself.

Title:
Mother (also known as “Mom”, “Mama”, “Mommy”)

Term Of Contract:
Until you die.

Salary:
None. Unless you count heavenly rewards, in which case they are infinite and eternal.

Working Hours:
Depends on how much your children like to sleep. On average, you can expect your day to start at about 6:30 AM and conclude by 8:30 PM. However, you will continue to be on-call throughout the night and if you have a child under the age of 1 you can expect at least two periods of active duty between the hours of 9:00 PM and 6:00 AM. Work is required 7 days per week, 365 days per year. There is no vacation time or sick leave built in to your role, so please just don’t get sick. Ever.

Desired Qualities and Skills:
Seeking a loving, nurturing, compassionate individual.  Must be able to tolerate sounds up to 500 decibels (approximately the same loudness of a train whistle) for prolonged periods of time. Applicants should have a strong familiarity with all children’s programming on PBS and Nickelodeon (if you can sing the theme songs to “Blue’s Clues”, “Sesame Street”, “Dora The Explorer”, and “Bob The Builder” then you’re on the right track). Ability to speak and understand a foreign language (i.e. “Baby Sign” or “Toddler-ese”) is highly desired. You must be able to operate at full-capacity on 5 hours of sleep per night, and you should be able act cheery when your darlings wake you up at 4:30 AM. Applicants should be high-energy and ready to conquer the world. Applicants should possess an immense amount of patience (this will come in handy for cases of your childrens’ whining, complaining, crying for no reason, and tattle-taleing. It will also be helpful when you are cleaning up spilled milk and Cheerios for the 100th time in a day.). Backgrounds and training in the following are strongly desired: Teaching, Cooking, Laundry Services (especially stain removal), Taxi Driving, Juggling/Balancing Acts, Pastoral and Counseling Services,  Crowd Management, CPR, first aid/first-responder, EMT, Brain Surgery, Rocket Science.

Job Description and Duties To Perform:
There is a 9-month training period in which you will receive little- to no-preparation for the job you are actually beginning. Your hands-on duties will begin at about week 40 of the training regimen. Your duties will initially include feeding, bathing, changing diapers, dressing, snuggling and spying on your adorable child while he’s sleeping. As your child grows, you will be required to attend to additional responsibilities. These responsibilities include, but are not limited to: teaching, guiding, disciplining, encouraging, helping, supporting coaching, respecting, protecting, scheduling, talking with and listening to, hugging, laughing, and loving your child.

Benefits:
Butterfly kisses, a full heart, a happy disposition and a rewarding life. And love. Lots and lots of love.