If You Give A Mom A Mocha: A Parody

One of our favorite activities is going to the library. We go almost every week and come home with bags brimming with new books to read together. On our most recent trip to the library (one that involved an overly-tired, screaming at the top of his lungs baby and a potty-training 2-year old with diarrhea) we got a version of the classic If You Give A Mouse A Cookie by Laura Numeroff. David loved If You Give A Dog A Donut so much that we decided to bring home another called If You Give A Pig A Party. The books all follow a basic pattern–if you give (some animal) a (treat) they’ll ask for a (something to go with the treat). That “something” will remind them of something else, and they go on a silly adventure finding the things they are reminded of.

I thought it would be fun to write my own version of the If You Give A…. books. And, since I’m a mom, I’m going to write about what’s nearest and dearest to a mother’s heart: coffee.

If You Give A Mom A Mocha

saltedcarmelmochaIf you give a mom a Mocha, she’s going to want a cardboard sleeve for her hot cup.
The cardboard sleeve will remind her that today is recycling day, so she’ll rush home to put the recycling bins out by the curb.
As she’s moving the recycling bins to the curb, she’ll notice an empty diaper box in the bin. She’ll want to go to Costco so she can buy more diapers before the baby runs out.
While she’s at Costco buying diapers, she’ll pass by the food court. The pizza will smell delicious.
She’ll want a slice of ooey-gooey pizza. And, since the kids are already whining for lunch, she’ll decide to stop and get some.
After she eats the pizza, she’ll remember that her “lose the baby weight diet” doesn’t involve noshing on pizza.
She’ll go home and change into her running shoes and load the kids into the jogging stroller for a little post-pizza workout. It will take about an hour to get everyone ready and out the door.
When she gets about a block away from home, her 2-year old will say that he has to go potty.
She’ll run back home to the potty as fast as her legs can carry her. As she’s pulling back into the driveway, her 2-year old will say that he doesn’t have to go potty anymore.
She’ll take him out of the stroller and see why he doesn’t have to go anymore.
She’ll take off his wet pants, socks, and shoes and sit him on the potty anyway.
Then she’ll hose off the stroller and leave it in the driveway until she can come up with a better cleaning solution.
When she gets back inside from hosing off the stroller, she’ll see that the 2-year old has gotten into the pantry. He’s dumped a whole bag of Cheerios onto the floor and the dog and the baby are licking them up.
She’ll get out the vacuum to clean up the Cheerios. The vacuum will remind her of how disgusting the rest of the floors in her house are, so she’ll vacuum the other rooms while she’s at it.
While she’s vacuuming she’ll vacuum up a stray sock.
The sock will remind her that she promised her kids to make sock puppets with them this week.
She’ll get out all of the craft supplies and help the little ones make new toys out of their old socks.
Once they have sock puppets, the kiddos will want to put on a puppet show.
She’ll get out an old cardboard box to make a stage for the puppets to perform on.
When she sees the cardboard box, she’ll be reminded of the cardboard sleeve that they put on coffee cups.
Once she starts thinking about coffee, she’ll want a mocha. And you know what? I think she’ll deserve one!

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